Fear Comes [entries|friends|calendar] Let the fear consume you [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Things to remember when writing [17 Feb 2008|11:56pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] Classes do not teach the writer's language, books do There is no formula for writing Never write the same book over again Writing cannot be taught, only coached There is no way to avoid imitation Find an agent, but do not expect them to improve your writing Avoid the typical Avoid unknown words Stay in verb tense Keep a journal Give yourself to the Dark Side

I'm starting to think the world is nothing but drunks [13 Mar 2006|05:37am] Sunday: As if Friday and Saturday weren't stressful enough after havin' to watch after Woody, Mikey calls me up yesterday telling me he's run off so I change my clothes, put on my boots and leave to meet up with him at this guy Zach's house where Mikey, Tiffany, Lauren, and Juanita were. Woody got there and was pissed off (big surprise *sarcasm*) apparently Billy had called his Dad and told him both about his drinking problem and that he was sleeping with a 14 year old girl, so Woody got kicked outta his Dad's. Now the only one of them that's 14 is Lauren and Lauren's my gf so I didn't take too kindly to that. So I stood there about 15 minutes listening to him bitch about it, him and Zach talk about how they were gonna kick Billy's ass and all this other bullshit, I headed off to take everybody home because Tiffany was already in trouble. I called Billy as I was leaving and told him not to lie to me and give me the truth, did he or did he not say that Woody slept with a 14 year old and Billy said no and then he explained all he told Woody's Dad was about the booze. I know Billy and I know he wouldn't say any shit like that, about the girl anyway. I'm sure he mentioned the drinking problem, but that was necessary because neither of us wanted to see Woody get killed, but after that I really don't care anymore. I cut myself off from him today because I'm tired of being put into the middle of his problems and if I kept trying to play peacemaker it's gonna come back and bite me in the ass. Well I was already in a shitty mood from the Woody situation, well if that weren't enough Tiffany's Mother's bf (soon to be Stepfather) comes up to the truck and starts bitching me out for getting them home late, tells me I'm in deep shit and that I'm old enough to where he can handle me if he feels the need to and all this other bullshit. I listened and said yes sir, no sir but I didn't so much as blink at the man because I don't show fear to anybody especially somebody that I'm pretty sure is a drunk. I couldn't smell it on him but his behavior reminded me of Mike Weaver's while intoxicated. I didn't really worry about him nor give a damn what he said, if he called the fuzz on me all I'd have to tell 'em is that the girl wasn't with me all day, I went and got them because I didn't want 'em riding home with someone who had too much to drink and that was the truth, ain't no crime in that. Funny part was when Tiffany's Mom came outside and pushed him away, told her that it was her daughter and she'd deal with it and that he had no right gettin' on me like that. That was actually pretty damn funny because she's a lot smaller than him and she overruled his ass. Kinda reminded me of Maw taking the old man down a few notches despite his stature. So Tiff's Mom apologized to me and all that, said he was just an asshole, I kinda figured that much and just nodded with her reply. Left there, just me and Mikey now, we had to deal with his Dad because he'd been gone for two days straight. I explained to him that despite the circumstances of us babysitting Woody, he still shoulda atleast dropped by his parents' house just to check in or something. He told me he'd been workin' his ass off all week and just wanted a weekend to enjoy himself. We got to his house, there was his Mom, she didn't say too much to him, really cool about it but she said his Dad was pretty damn pissed. So immediately we're kinda like "Oh shit…" 'cause his Dad's a pretty built motherfucker. After his Mom and brothers left we stood out in the yard for awhile talkin', he figured out that Ronnie (his Dad) would be up at the Waffle House in Tillman's Corner so we rolled up there. Pulled up beside his car, he could see us through the window and he did not look like a happy camper. We prepared ourselves for hell, walked in and Mikey told him we spent all weekend looking after Woody, which we did, even though Saturday we did take off with the girls, he left that part out. Ronnie said he didn't care, like it wasn't a big deal. After talkin' to him a few minutes we headed back to Mikey's place, he was happier than a damn virgin with the newest issue of Penthouse magazine. He said he'd never seen his Dad that mellow and that he had to have just gotten a bj from all members of the Swedish Swimsuit team to be in such a good mood. That was that, took Mikey home and finally got to settle in at the house for the night. Didn't get any makeup work done for Mrs. Thomas, by the time I got home my head and lower back were aching, I was so damned stressed and wore out from the weekend that I didn't feel like doing jack shit. I'll just have to work on it all tonight, gotta be done before Friday because the quarter ends. Give yourself to the Dark Side

Stung [12 Mar 2006|03:26am] [ mood | tired ] [ track #1 | W.A.S.P. "Murders In The New Morgue (Chainsaw Charlie)" [ track #2 | W.A.S.P. "Blind In Texas" [ track #3 | W.A.S.P. "I Wanna Be Somebody" [ track #4 | W.A.S.P. "Wild Child" [ track #5 | W.A.S.P. "Hold On To My Heart" [ track #6 | Judas Priest "Electric Eye" [ track #7 | White Zombie "Super Charger Heaven" [ track #8 | Chevelle "The Clincher" [ track #9 | Apocalyptica "Path Vol. 2" [ track #10 | Gretchen Wilson "I Don't Feel Like Loving You Today" [ track #11 | Megadeth "A Tout le Monde" Wed, 3/8/06: Don't remember jack Thursday, 3/9/06: Woke up at regular time for the first day all week, 5 AM sharp. Loaded the truck with my school clothes, an extra pair of boxers, my swimming trunks (100 otton camo pants cut off just below the knee caps), my Geometry book and binder, sunscreen (which I didn't use but did not get burnt for once), and my book bag. Then I headed out to pick up Megan (Weaver) and Marques. Got them, went up to Wal-Mart to wait for everybody else. Snapped some pictures while we waited, somehow Billy managed to stop at Wal-Mart and get Justine's bathing suit and then slip out undetected. I saw a truck I thought looked and sounded like Billy's but it was from a long distance so I couldn't really tell. 'Bout 7:30 I was startin' to get mad, so I had Megan call Billy's cell 'cause I didn't feel like talkin'. Justine answered, turns out they had went to Hippie Beach without us and were there waiting, Megan gave her an earful about it because none of us three knew the way to Hippie. Justine put Billy on the phone, I dunno how I kept from cussing him out 'cause I was P-I-S-S-E-D. I yelled at him and such, "Billy what the fuck dude? I told you to meet us at Wal-Mart, I thought we were clear on that" he started giving me directions and all that nonsense. We'd of been there alot sooner if Shipyard Rd actually had a street sign. Billy, Anthony, and Justine were standing outside Billy's Silverado waitin' on us. Billy led the wait, Justine and Megan were gonna walk there but the trail was long, I said fuck that and made 'em sit in the bed of the truck. Things picked up when we got there, soon as Marques got out and the girls jumped outta the bed I started doin' a donut around this burn pile just to mess with Billy a bit. When I stopped it he goes "You want me to show your ass up?" and I just smirk and go "Who said I was makin' a challenge? I was just spinnin' my tires a little bit good buddy" he just laughed and shook his head. I put on my trunks and such (I was in street clothes), got out, snapped some more pictures then decided I'd take me a dip in the water to see how it was. I've never been one for the whole sticking the foot in to check the temp, quickest way to get used to it is to jump right in (I know this because I have a pool and therefore have tested both ways). Rather than just jump in though, a rope swing caught my eye, as well as two trees which had 2x4 sections nailed into the trunk so you could climb up easily, I was gonna jump off the highest part but the floorboard they'd made was broke and wobbly so I wasn't above to jump off that so I went down a little bit back to the one that wasn't broken and swung out. Did a Tarzan yell and anchor dropped into the water. I jumped right back out Damn water was cold, next time I'll wait 'til the afternoon when the sun has warmed the water up just a little bit. Speakin' of the sun, I didn't put on no sunscreen and I didn't get the 'least bit red which is really unusual. We didn't get to swim for maybe 30 minutes and we got there at 8. School took in at 9:30, so we started loadin' up. Billy's truck wouldn't start so I gave him a jump off, still wouldn't turn over. He fiddled with the starter a bit, she started right up. We hauled ass through the trails, because the fender flares stick out so far on my truck they caught a tree so I ended up scuffing the bottom portion of my rear passenger side a bit but I didn't care, needs a new paintjob anyway plus it's a Chevrolet truck, specially made for taking punishment and still drivin' just as smooth right afterward. Upon returning to school, me and Billy decided to go to the gym with Justine (Megan went to her first block and Marques I think went to the ROTC room), so we posed as Juniors and signed our names as two our buddies: Bubba and Woody. Formal names being Michael Leverett and James Reymundo, I signed as Bubba and Billy was Woody. As we were walkin' over to the bleachers Billy was saying how if our assistant principal Mr. Lafitte saw that he'd probably have a heart attack, good riddance to that monkey lookin' bastard. Sat and did nothin' 'til the bell rang to go to first block, rest of the day was about the same, all downhill after Hippie. We only did work in my first and fourth block classes, so I got to take a much needed break. I was thinkin' about Hippie the whole day, I want another shot at that rope, see if I can't do a front or back flip off it, water's deep enough so I know I won't hurt myself. After school I was gonna make up a test in Mr. Kiser's class but everybody was gonna retake it Monday anyhow, plus I had to take Megan and Marques home, didn't wanna make 'em wait so I said screw it. Took Megan home and Marques to the Compass bank out in Tillman's corner. Was gonna use the remaining daylight to wash my truck, but Mary was over because she and Mike were havin' another of their rounds. She wanted me to take her home, only got the truck vacuumed 'cause I had to run her and the boys plus Little Mike's friend Jeremy out there in the Honda, by the time I got back it was supposed to storm so I had to put off the washing of my precious Copperhead. I swear I can't wait 'til I get me a work truck so I can keep Copperhead clean all the time and wash my work truck like once or twice a month if even that. Somebody rear ended Maw but only left a small scuff that she thinks can be buffed out so she didn't file it on the woman's insurance, sometimes Maw's too nice for her own good, but like Grandmother like Grandson I suppose. The winds were up to 45 MPH, street lights were getting knocked around like nothin'. By 8 PM I was hella tired and soon after, stone cold asleep Friday, 3/10/06: Sum bitch...I dunno what was longer, the day or the night on this one. We didn't do anything in first or second because we weren't in either class long, third block was EMPTY I mean there were only 7 out of 30 people there, everybody skipped. Billy wasn't even there, so I was pretty much bored out of my mind the entire time. Fourth block we did work as usual, me and Olivia got kicked out for talking, we stayed outside a good 20 minutes atleast. Mrs. Thomas was being so damned grouchy Came home after school, fooled and tooled on the comp for a little bit. Ashley (Arnold) finally got online so she, Kerby, and myself got to progress a little bit with the story we were working on, but I had to cut the session short as Megan wanted me to meet her and Marques up at Fire Mountain. I love my cousin to death and I wanted to get outta the house anyway so I went out there, we ate like crazy, or I should say Marques and I ate like crazy, Megan didn't eat too much. It's really weird sometimes how much me and her are alike...she even has her steaks prepared just like mine, Medium Well. From Fire Mountain we went across the street to Wal-Mart, 'cause it's like I always say "When all else fails, go to Wally World" we looked around in electronics and then at some baby clothes because they have a friend whose pregnant and they wanted to get her something. Marques made a joke saying to keep it simple if him and her ever had a baby girl they'd just name it girl, that REALLY upset Megan, to the point she was in tears. I kept telling her he didn't mean it, it was just a joke and all that but she said she was tired of him joking about things like that. I dunno, I suppose it's a early-mid teen years thing you go through, I remember having plenty crazy emo moments myself when I was 15. So like everything else, I suppose I can just say that it runs in the family (I find myself saying that alot when I'm with her). After Wal-Mart I came on home, wasn't here very long when Woody called me from Billy's cell wanting me to meet them up at the McDonald's here on DIP. I like like not even a mile away so I figure "Eh what the hell" When they got there it turned out Woody's friend Houston, Mikey Rotter, his girlfriend Tiffany, and her friend Lauren were ridin' with Woody. Mikey was apparently glad to see me, dude's my friend and all but I can't say I'm ever glad to see him. Because McDonald's was closed and Woody was hungry, I suggested we go to Krystal's on Hwy 90 because that's the only place open that late. So everybody mounted up, Mikey and Tiffany came with me because they said Woody's Blazer smelled like ass (a fact I'm well aware of). We made it there before Billy and Woody even though we stopped for a good 15 minutes to look at Mikey's wrecked Camaro, we never saw it but he was about to start doing his usual stupid shit and break into their shop, his reasons were "They got my property in there" and all this shit and I told him "That's still breaking and entering, now come the fuck on" he actually listened to me which was a shocker 'cause that boy don't listen to a damn soul. Made it to Krystal's but no sign of Woody's Blazer or Billy's Silverado, I kinda figured somethin' was up but I sucked up the moment anyway and left Billy a voice mail raggin' on him about I got there before him even though I stopped for a couple minutes, just to get to him a bit 'cause we tend to do that kinda stuff to eachother. Mikey started fiddlin' with my truck because of the taillights staying on, he figured he fixed the problem, can't wait to tell Mr. Fix It that he was wrong again, not to mention the jackass stuck his finger in my tape player so now every time I turn on the radio it tries to play a tape when it's empty so it makes alot of annoying racket. Billy called saying he was overheated, needed water asap, so we went to Mikey's Grandpa's car lot and got some big 5 gallon drums of water. Took the water to him, had him put it in then we headed back to his Dad's place where we figured out Woody had way too much to drink so we tried taking his keys from him. Well he came up behind me when I went for him and threw his arms around my neck, started chokin' me. He wasn't applying enough pressure to do real damage, but he was slowly cuttin' off my air, so my first plan was to hip toss him to the ground but I couldn't get a good enough grip on his arm. Alright, plan B: I was gonna grab his legs and knock him off his feet, just let myself fall on top of him and then just start elbowing him in the gut 'til he let go and then go blow for blow until I got him down. I had grabbed hold of his left leg and was about to get the other to drop him when Billy split us up and said there'd be no fighting tonight. Billy and I started talking to him about his drinking, how it was getting out of hand and everything, he admitted he had a drinking problem. Eventually he started crying, talking about everything was going on in his life, I ain't never seen a grown man cry outside a funeral. So I grabbed him and hugged him to me, let him cry and I told him "I love you man, you're my brother. You, me, and Billy we're all three brothers. We don't wanna have to bury your ass neither you understand?" when I let go he told us about how he almost committed suicide last night when he was starring down the barrel of a .45, I told him I know how he felt and he said I didn't. Woody had stretched out my Beatles shirt so I took it off, threw it in the truck, I was walkin' around damn near rest of the night half naked. Gets mighty cold after awhile, eventually it was like at Hippie Beach and I probably coulda cut through a frozen piece of meat with my nipples, damn things were harder than steel. Next came the subject of his best friend, I fired back saying how I'd lost my best friend too and under alot worse circumstances than his, his died in a car wreck and mine got shot in the chest so he couldn't tell me that I didn't know what that kinda pain felt like. Billy and I took him inside, made everybody else stay out while we showed Woody to Wild Bill (Billy's Dad) and explain the situation so we could keep Woody there and all. After that I started running everybody home, first was Tiffany and Lauren. Just before I dropped 'em off Tiffany asked me if I would date Lauren, I thought about it for a second, first thing popped into my head was that I'd be betraying the girl I love but she has a boyfriend and she didn't exactly tell me to wait for her. I chose to do so, and it's been a month; I haven't given up on her but I also didn't wanna be alone. So, I accepted Tiffany's proposal and got together with Lauren. I don't think we'll be together for very long but we'll get to the reasons for that assumption in the Saturday section. Came back to Wild Bill's, got Houston and took him home, by now I'm runnin' low on gas, I mean really low like damn near on E and it's 3 AM Saturday morning so no gas stations are open. I only knew of one that I was for sure would be open, the BP on Airport Blvd and it was, unfortunately my dumbass forgot my wallet when I left the house so Mikey and I had to come to my place and get both my wallet and empty some of our gas jugs. My S-10's tank will hold 14 gallons, I put 5 gallons in from a jug so we had almost half a tank, more than enough to get back to Billy's and go fill up in the mornin' 'cause me and Mikey both were wrecked. Saturday, 3/11/06: We finally got back to Billy's about 3:30-4 AM, he was already asleep and left the door unlocked for us, Woody was passed out when we came back earlier for Houston. So me and Mikey picked a couch each and went our asses to sleep, phone alarms woke us up at 6 because we were gonna go pick up the girls, I turned mine off and went back to sleep. Mikey said he woke me up again at 7:30 but I don't remember that, he finally got me up at 8:00, Wild Bill and Billy were eating breakfast. First thing we did was go to my place to get some food 'cause we were starving, Curly (Mikey) wanted to fix his hair and such 'cause he's just a pretty boy like that. Still makes me wonder how I wound up hangin' with somebody like that because I generally dislike dudes who are all high maintenance about themselves, me it's just take a shower, put on your DO and clothes, walk out the fuckin' door. Anyway we got here, I cooked up some pizza rolls, we ate those bitchs, I brushed my teeth and mouth washed and off we went to pick up the girls. This girl Juanita was with Lauren and Tiffany, Tiff was planning on setting her up with Billy, girl likes to play matchmaker I reckon. So there we were...five people ridin' in my extended cab truck, still uncomfortable as hell especially 'cause it was hot as hell and I had no AC. First place we went to was the dog track to meet up with Billy so he could see Juanita, Tiff hooked them up so now nobody is without a girl. Sad thing is, Woody's got a girl and don't want her 'cause he asked if I was dating Lauren last night before we met up at McDonald's because he was hittin' on her and such and he'd of felt bad if he knew we were dating at the time. I told him it was all good, we didn't start dating 'til after we got to Billy's. Boy's makin' passes at girls and got a fianc, don't surprise me though. After the dog track we went back to Wild Bill's to fix Woody's brakes, now I had three people in the front seat, Woody in the backseat, with Mikey and Tiffany sittin' in the bed. We had a time gettin' that brake pad off, wasn't long before we took off to the Truck stop so Woody could get him some food. Rest of us just kinda looked around. After that we went back to the dog track again because Billy was on break, we got ran off by his boss though, back to his Dad's we went to work on the brakes some more on Woody's Blazer. Once Wild Bill got there me, Mikey, Tiff, Lauren, and Juanita split for the mall. I was tired of just standin' around, on the way there I tried to get Lauren to speak a little bit because she hadn't talked with me much, asked her what she was into and she just kinda shrugged. She's really shy around me, but I'll be damned if she don't talk up a storm around them girls. The mall offered a limited amount of entertainment. Lauren pretty much neglected me, only time she spoke was when I spoke to her, the rest of time she was either talkin' to Juanita or Tiffany like I was non-existent, it didn't piss me off but I didn't like it either. I understand you're here with your girlfriends and what-not, but damn balance out conversation between them and me. Then again I should know better: when with girlfriends shopping, boyfriend is only there as an accessory. Maybe if I get her alone, just me and her she'll open to me, 'cause if things are gonna be like that all the time, we'll be over within a week or two. After we left, Maw called me asking when I was coming home and such. After I got off with her I lied to everybody saying I had to go home and such, I was too damn tired to drive anymore, I needed sleep bad. So I dropped them off at Wild Bill's again for Woody to take them all home, he wasn't there at the time so I waited with them on him. Billy's sister Jennifer came over, reckon she got her license now 'cause she was drivin' her Mom's Explorer. Mikey pissed me off sayin' how she was a stuck up bitch and all this, I looked over and say "Y'know you are really somethin' sayin' shit like that and standin' in the girl's yard" he snickered like it was a joke, typical Mikey for you. Jennifer ain't never been anything but nice around me, and she ain't never done shit to Mikey either, he's still mad about that one time she got onto Billy for taking him and Stephanie home and saying they weren't a taxi service. Thing is Mikey likes to assume that people have nothing better to do then give him a ride someplace when he needs it and that's something else that often irks me about him. Like to see him get the balls to say that to Billy Bain's face, see if everybody sticks his little smartass in the seat of that Silverado ever again. I'll say it again from Billy's own mouth, there are two things you do not fuck with him about: his truck and his sister and Mikey's already got a strike on him from Billy about his truck, for him to get strike two would kick him right up to strike three and probably mean him and Billy would get into a fight and there'd be a big mess made out of it. I ain't sayin' shit about it though, I said what I had to say to him and he knows I don't like to hear him sayin' anything about Jenny when she ain't hurtin' nobody. After Woody and Marshall got there I said my goodbyes, I forgot thank Mr. Billy for allowing everybody to chill at his place like we did the last two days. Not many parents would do that especially when their own kid isn't there. Left Billy a voice message telling him to do that for me though, I always liked his Dad. Mikey and Woody were wanting to go campin' but I just made it out to Mikey before I left like I'd be asleep the rest of the night, I'd had enough of those two. They're both alright but they're the type of people that while you can have fun with 'em, they can also annoy you and piss you off. Mikey does it just tinkering with everything like he does: turning the bass of my radio up to full when he knows the speakers are blown, then when he stuck his finger in the tape player and fucked it up; then there's the only time he ever seems to get in touch with me is when he wants somethin' and it always involves me drivin' all over God's green earth and runnin' myself ragged 'til I damn well can't see the road I'm drivin' on anymore; lastly we come to the Jennifer situation because I consider her a good friend. Woody just drives me crazy always complaining about shit, how tough he's got it and all this, he's gotta be the first emo redneck. I love 'em both, they're my buddies but I want my alone time, I don't like havin' somebody up my ass 24/7 unless I get along with 'em damn near perfect. Now Billy, I can hang with Billy day in and day out, I just can't do it with Mikey or Woody, get on my damn nerves too bad. Back at the house though I ate me some ham then slept for two hours before I got up and started getting ready for Miso, I missed it last weekend but I wasn't missin' it this weekend, I missed my boys the Crawley Bros. too much. Got there late 'cause I woke up at 6 (usually I'm there by then) and I had to get a shower and such so I ended up makin' it there around 8:30. Mat was in something besides all black for once, wish I'd of had my camera on me, I'd of taken a picture 'cause that's the first time he didn't have any black clothes on. They left about 2 hours later, the meeting was running longer tonight because they were showing movies but I left at 12, I still haven't fully recovered from driving around like a trucker on so little sleep and in stifling heat. I have go get that AC fixed this week. Give yourself to the Dark Side

You were born to be my baby and I was made to be your driver [08 Mar 2006|07:46am] [ mood | blah ] I forgot to mention I saw Joe Gaddis on Monday, former ROTC member turned Armyman, he's a Private First Class and it looks like he's growin' a bit taller (Leverett took a liking to calling him "Stumpy" for his short stature). Tuesday: Stayed outta school today for three reasons: me, Billy, and some of the gang were gonna go to Hippie Beach before school; I had another sinus infection, didn't really need to be swimmin' but I didn't give a damn; I wanted to go pick up my truck from Bay Chevrolet. Well Billyboy and I both slept 'til 8, we were gonna get up there at regular time (7ish), by the time I got there and was sittin' in the Church parking lot he was in the cafeteria so I called him, he said we'd try again tomorrow. I said we should just wait 'til Friday cause we don't have to be in until 10:30 so that gives us about 3 hours to go. He wants to do it after school too so we gonna get plenty of swimtime in, but we just have to remember to throw Anthony in first to make sure there's nothin' in there like snakes and gators to harm us. Came back home, went back to sleep, woke up and went to the doctor, on my way to Wal-Mart I got a call from Sherry at Bay Chevrolet sayin' they still hadn't found the problem with the taillights. Me personally I think they haven't done shit to it and are just pullin' my leg because if you have to disconnect the battery to make the shit stop, the ECU should pick it up and when they put it on that machine of theirs it should be able to tell 'em somethin'. I'll just take it to some local mechanic and let them handle it, I'm tired of BC. 1100 bucks for a AC compressor, must be outta their damn minds. Soon as I made it home Maw and I jumped in the Hyundai and ran some of her errands before finally getting over to BC to get the S-10, I didn't even talk to Sherry about it, I just said I'm here to pick up my truck. I wasn't in the mood to discuss it because they'd already pissed me off enough about it. As I got into the driverside of the S-10, it felt like the seat was wrapping itself on me, as I start off I closed my eyes for a second to take in that feeling and opened them once again just seconds before a salesman pulled into the lot driving one of those new HHRs. I was a good two car lengths away so no danger there. I was just happy to have my ride back, the Accord may be faster and all but it's just not as cool. Next thing I gotta do is take it back to Big 10 and make them honor that warranty on those squealing ass brakes they put on and then take it to Mobile Auto Air to have them fix my AC. Very few people have as good a grandmother as I do and I swear I appreciate everything she does for me and I dunno what I'd do without her. I love the woman dearly. I got home and such, we switched around the cars because she got home after me (figures), turns out Michael Leverett had called me. I'd called up ol' Bubba the night before I think it was, wanted him to come to the Honey Hole with us (a.k.a Hippie Beach), he said he would if he didn't have to go into town tomorrow (which is now today). Told me soon as he gets back to gimme a holler, we'll round up Woody and Billy to go do somethin', I ain't seen that boy in ages seems like. Talked to Teresa on Yahoo and later MSN as I downloaded "Black Sunshine" and "Blur the Technicolor" by White Zombie before I went to bed, didn't really like either of 'em, I dunno just didn't stand out to me like say "Super-Charger Heaven" just the title of that song captures my attention but of course that's because I'm such a motorhead. My thoughts and prayers go out to Jessica Ivey whose grandfather passed away yesterday, peace be with you my friend Give yourself to the Dark Side

Bitchfit, begin [06 Mar 2006|07:21pm] [ mood | bitchy ] Saturday: Nothing important to report on accept I got up early to go to Hooter's with Woody and Billy, Billy didn't stay long 'cause he had to be at work, me and Woody at a few wings and then went to the Fleamarket. I saw Michael Cobb's (Ross) ass there, dude was wearin' some damn Daisy Duke khaki shorts, I shit you not. They were literally cut like 2-3 inches from his crotch, if he ever tries to rag on me again I'm gonna take that and run with it because for a dude who thinks so highly of himself in the field of getting ladies, he looked pretty fuckin' gay. I was sayin' to Woody "Funny part is he thinks he's a bad ass" and Woody looked at me with a glint in his eye and a smirk on his face and said "Let him think all he wants, long as he knows who the real bad asses are" leave it to Woody to annoy ya and then make ya have a good time with him all in the same week, never ceases to amaze it. Oh and that baby isn't his, he's just playin' Daddy for it's sake. He said he wasn't getting' married though, apparently once was enough. Sunday: The day I rediscovered faith, I hadn't gone to church in over a year and when I did it meant nothing because I was foolish enough to believe I needed the guidance of no one but myself, no hand to be pulled along as if I were a dog on a lease, I hated to think somebody had that sort of control over me. I felt like there was no freedom in any of it, I'd be punished for every little thing. But someone once told me "I really don't think you're gonna go to hell for smokin' somethin' that grows in the dirt" Despite my foolish and to some extent conceited thoughts, there was something I've always done whether I was a believer of the holy spirit or not, I helped those in need. No one someone I don't know comes to me begging for money I don't give it out because the last time I did that I watched a woman go and buy drugs with it, not saying everyone's like that but I'm overly cautious. Now people I know and care about, that's a different story. If they need something, if they wanted something and even if I wanted something as well, I gave up some of my own money so they could get what they needed because in my eyes they deserve it more than I do. Still there is selfishness in that because I'm singling out everyone else for the people I know. Therefore it makes me no saint nor does it make a good person neither does it get me brownie points, I do it because it feels right and it made me feel good everytime I did it and it'd do it all over again if I could. When I buy someone lunch, when I take somebody somewhere who doesn't have a car or isn't old enough to drive, when I teach something that wasn't previously known, it all makes me feel good and it always has. Only now have I come to see that it is God's will and it was his way of doing small deeds of good through me. But again, I say I'm no Jesus Christ or Joan of Arc. Anyway, going to a Catholic church was definitely a different experience. I have to practice that making the cross thing across your chest and head, I couldn't remember if it was right to left or left to right. Instead of just bowing your head and praying, as soon as you get in they have this thing you fold down and can rest your knees on while you pray. Needless to say I had to alot to pray about, forgiveness mostly: turning away, cussing, speeding, smokin' bud, anger, most of all not asking the woman I love out before she got a boyfriend. Why I added that in there in I don't know, that's more something I myself feel I did stupid rather than the man above, but of course he'd probably bop me upside the head for it too if he were around and ask "What was thou thinking?". Then there was my prayer for protection over my friends, family, and also that woman I care about so much. At the end of the service you eat some kind of chip and drink some red wine. I hate that stuff so much, have since Mom's wedding. Wine, Smirnoff, and Beer = DO NOT AGREE WITH CAM'S STOMACH, WHISKEY ONLY. But I doubt they'll lemme substitute the red wine for a shot of Jack. I can see it now, me pullin' out a flask and goin' "Could I pour this out and put this in?" hey, like John Wayne said "Well If I'm gonna be holy I gotta have some fun with it". Have to remember to ask Teresa if we can just eat the little chip thing and walk off without the wine, I know it symbolizes Christ's blood and taking it into you and such but man does it taste horrible. I have to get used to the whole ritual of that as well, I think Teresa said you're supposed to cross your arms over your chest and such, so I did and bowed my head to the guy as a sign of respect, really nervous because I didn't wanna screw up and seem disrespectful or anything. After the service we went back to her place, watched a little bit of a John Wayne movie with Papa Ray, found out from her that he was a welder and such, worked in shipyards and the lot. The fancy term for the profession is iron worker as I learned from my Uncle assh--I mean Mike. I told him it was the trade of choice in my family, and that probably end up doin' it myself. He shook his head and told me "You're smart son, do somethin' else, it'll make ya old before ya time" then I told him how I like working with my hands and such and how I enjoy welding. He's really easy to talk to, I like that quality. We stuck around a little bit 'til she got bored, then we went on to Wally World. Nothin' to do there so then we out to the Fleamarket, same thing, she got me to drive back though because the heavy traffic kinda spooks her; can't blame her, I spooked real easy for a week or two after my wreck. I still get nervous as hell when somebody stops in the middle of the parkway or in traffic anywhere, but since then I've wised up and I always go around somebody doin' that. Ya live and ya learn I left once we got back to her place, my Church clothes had been my dress shirt, jeans and boots; first time I can ever remember dressing for Church (when I was at Fulton Rd we always wore uniforms so wasn't much dressin' up to do in Chapel and when I went to Daniel's church I just wore a t-shirt and jeans like it was just another day). Monday/Today: Without a doubt one of the quickest days in school, whereas when I was taking grad exams the days seemed so long, now they seem so short. I didn't get into until about 9:15, woke up at 7, I wish I could do that shit everyday because I woke up feeling so much more rested than I usually do, of course I don't have night school this week either so that's a plus. Soon as I got in Billy, Mark, and Anthony waved me over, sat down with them. We made plans to go to Hippie Beach in the mornin' before school, me bein' mighty suspicious of ponds and lakes I suggested we throw Anthony in first to see if there were any snakes or gators. If he don't come back then we'll know won't we? Billy suggested we try to get Justine to go, y'know to get as many people as we could, if I'd of thought about it I'd of asked Megan (Weaver) when I saw her if she and Marcus wanted to go. Ah well, anyway after the plans for Hippie Beach were made Anthony called me a puss. I told him "Boy I will dropkick you in your nuts" and he called me a puss again so I put my hand down on that table and threw myself over it feet first right into that boy's balls, did just what I said I'd do and then I put my foot down right on his shit for good measure. He held onto my foot for a minute and I told him to let go or they'd get stomped too, so he let my shoe go and back over the table I hoped again right back into my seat where all the boys was laughin'. Nobody calls me a puss, ever First block was short, 'bout 15-20 minutes. I have to get my yellow slip from Mrs. K Wednesday 'cause I left my Doctor's note with her, not goin' tomorrow. My throat's a little sore so I figure it's a sinus infection, main reason I ain't goin' though is to pick up my truck and Bay Chevrolet damn sure better have them taillights fixed. Will not swallow that I been without my truck for almost a damn week and they ain't got shit done to it, ah ah that ain't flyin' bub. No second block, we went straight on to third, or in my case lunch. Switched from the amphitheater because the sun's startin' to show a little more and get a little hotter and I rather like my skin color, plus that aqua glycolic lotion says limit your sun exposure for atleast a week or wear sunscreen. I doubt it'll be showin' much in the morning' but I'm gonna take my sunscreen anyway. No crispiness for Cam. In third block we did nothing the entire period so me and Billy just got on computers. Waldrop, a supposed Chevrolet man was rantin' about how the Mustang could beat the Camaro and all this other nonsense. Looked up the stats on a '69 Camaro and '69 Mustang just to shut him up. Camaro SS396 matches a Mustang Boss 429 and the Boss 429 has an extra 33 cu. In. on it's side. Now the COPO Camaro with a 427, heh the bigger bored Boss 429 can't touch that baby proving that Chevy can build a smaller motor than Ford but still get more power. Then he got on the Shelby Cobra versus the Corvette. So I looked up the stats on both just to shut him up, a '65 'Vette with a 427 and a '65 Cobra with a 427 are an even match in HP. But the Cobra weighs less and has more torque, so while it would win, his whole "It'd smoke the fuck out of it" argument was flawed. There's also to consider, a Cobra technically ain't a Ford, it's a custom vehicle built by Caroll Shelby BASED on Ford technology, but that don't necessarily make it a Ford. You can put a 9-inch Currie Ford rear-end in a muscle car, does that make it a Ford? Fourth block we actually did work but it was easy, like always, 'cept for that tree game that was kinda difficult but it wasn't for a grade so it didn't matter much to me anyway. I got freaked out man, I started singin' the chorus of Colt 45 by Afroman (didn't wanna sing any verses 'cause of all the ladies and such) and I'll be damned if Danielle Deloach didn't join in. I mean this chick's cool and all but you wouldn't think she listened to Afroman by lookin' at her, ya learn something' new everday. So we're singin' along, doin' verses and everybody's like "Wtf?" 'cause the song's so dirty. She whips out her CD sayin' she's got it on a disc and such, we kept on and on and then Holly joined in. HOLLY. As if Danielle singin' it wasn't shocking enough, I'm thinking' "Damn the dudes in here dunno this but the two girl next door lookin' females do?" mad crazy shit. Holly says her favorite part is with the Hawaiian chick, that also happens to be mine so I recite it "I met this woman from Hawaii, I stuck it in her ass and she said Aii!" It's two chicks and me singin' this shit now, it was so great. I love my friends in fourth block they're great. Overall, it wasn't a bad day, I just hate it us Seniors gotta come this week. Why dammit, we ain't doin' shit! Let us sign out and go home man! After school I came home for a bit, chilled, Justine had given me the address of the home she was stayin' in so I decided to go see her and Leah and give 'em some more details about the Hippie Beach trip. I was on my way out there and I'll be damned if I didn't get lost, called up Billy and he wouldn't answer then I called up Urban for directions. Led me out there in no time, I can't believe I forgot where McDonald road is and it's so close by Mary and Mike's, damn I can be stupid sometimes. Got there, realized I had my Husky Razor on me so I'm like "Shit" and I do an about-face to the car halfway to the front door and threw it in the console. Then I headed back that way, knocked on the front door and this black chick answered. I asked y'know if I could talk to Justine, lady gets and attitude and it's all like "You can't just come up like this, Justine has to go through the office and get permission" and all this other shit. I'm like "Ok, appreciate it" and walk off, that bitch was fuckin' rude man, I mean I can understand not wantin' trespassers and shit but damn it ain't a prison warden. I stopped by the dog track, left Billy a note on his truck sayin' he should empty his vocemail sometime and that the place is ran like a prison and also that I'd talk to him later about it. That lady pissed me off way too bad for me to sit an chat about it, I hate rude ass people with a passion. Ok, calmed down a little bit on my home, drivin' does that for me. This gangsta lookin' motherfucker in a Toyota Camry rides my ass from Theodore Dawes and 90 all the way to where Hamilton meets DIP. He stayed on my ass like glue, literally and he wouldn't pass me for nothin', I considered brake checkin' his ass but we only have liability on the Accord now and frankly I didn't want his bumper sittin' in the back seat nor did I wanna take a trip to the hospital again. So I was doin' 45, got pissed and said "Alright motherfucker, try this on" slammed on it and hit 60, he got on my ass again and I didn't wanna go any fast 'cause I know this one spot where a sheriff used to sit and also I didn't wanna lose control of the car either so I kept it steady at 60. I got to the four way stop on where Hamilton cuts out to DIP and I gunned that car like nobody's business all the way up the Dog River bridge, it was a two lane now so the asshole stayed away from me. By the time I got home I was in a rage because that made two niggers who'd pissed me off today. If you don't like the word I suggest you leave now because there's a difference between blacks and niggers just like whites and white trash in my book. Fuck niggers and white trash both, if that don't suit ya that's a drag. Give yourself to the Dark Side

Wtf you gonna do? arrest everybody in the US for dling music? TRY IT [04 Mar 2006|01:41am] [ track #1 | Judas Priest "Electric Eye" Thursday: Took my truck to Bay Chevrolet, had to wait on Maw to come by and pick me up so I took my sweet time lookin' around the lot at some of the cars. In the lot to the right I caught a glimpse of the new Impala SS and Monte Carlo, both have a 5.3L small-block V8, the Impala it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't a four door. Still, GM has really hit it big with the engine because it gets 28 MPG, that's pretty damn good for a V8. Maybe this signifies that GM-made V8's will start getting alot better gas mileage with this Active Fuel Management system. Now Moms across the globe can feel the power of a small-block V8 and Dads don't have to feel like such a pussy when they get behind the wheel of the family car. Granted I do agree with some of the purists who think they'll put SS on anything these days, but eh, I think it's a good thing they're starting to develop more fuel efficient V8s. I'm so sick of damn 4-Bangers powering vehicles it makes me sick to my stomach. A Cavalier SS coupe would be interesting, maybe they should try that, of course that would probably piss off the purists too. Some of 'em just can't be satisfied though. I checked out a few of the Corvettes on the showroom floor, one of the salesman came up to me and said go ahead and buy one, I chuckled and said I wished I had that kinda bread 'cause these are these were kinda cars I dream about. Asked him if any were Z06 models, turns out they'd sold the one they had, but he conceded that 400 HP was still alot and I agreed. The difference in the models that the standard Corvette is powered by a 6.0L LS2 and the Z06 has a 7.0L LS7 which puts out 502 HP. Another salesman in the left lot told me the new Camaro would be out sometime early to mid 2007, best news I've heard all year. Saw an S-10 ZR2 four door they had up for sale, I think the year was '04 and they wanted like 11 or 12 grand for it, steep as hell I know that much. Those things are a rarity around here and when I do finally get up the money for one I know I'm gonna have a hell of a time findin' it, but I will, just gonna take a little time and patience. Maw came and got me after she'd been at Bauer's (that's our pharmacy), it had been a long wait to drop off her prescriptions and such. She had Peewee's glasses and wallet that she wanted to go by Aunt Betty's and drop off. Now Peewee is Paw Paw Paul's cousin whose about 60 years old and has been addicted to crack cocaine for the past year, we don't give him much longer to live, anyway he passed out on Mary and Mike's porch one night and Mary took him home (this being before she and Mike's last spat). I was going crazy because I was already late as hell meeting up with Teresa and Nick, as Mr. Miyagi said in Karate Kid Part II "Never keep lady waiting" but unfortunately I just didn't have enough time, Teresa called me just as we left Betty's saying she had to got to class. I told her how sorry I was (that's beginning to become a very frequent word for me and it's pissing me off because I have to say it so much, nobody should screw up this much). Anyway, I did end up getting to see she and Nick later that night when I went to Nick's hotel room. Started off on a Smirnoff Orange, it was good at first but halfway through the bottle it really started to disagree with me. I give up on Smirnoff man, it just don't do well with my stomach, I'm strictly Liquor and Whiskey from now on. As the old saying goes: liquor before beer, you're in the clear. All three of us had a pretty good time I think, Teresa took this one picture of me sittin' on Nick's lap just for a good laugh. We're all fuckin' nuts but we have alot of fun, that's all that really counts in my book. Friday: Got up early today to mail some stuff off, on my way home this stupid fucker stopped in the middle of the highway, sat there for an entire minute before finally getting over in the turning lane. I had to really lay into the Accord's brakes, so did the dude behind me, dumb bastard almost caused another wreck like that asshole in the car did when I got rearended in the Ranger. Really didn't wanna go through that again so I checked my right mirror, turned my wheel and slammed that gas pedal to the floor before another car came up and hit the dude behind me. Returned home, went my ass back to bed for a few hours, shoulder was still hurting from yesterday, just not quite as bad. A call from Woody woke me up around 12:30, turns out he got a girl pregnant but he ain't freakin' out, he's really happy about it. Way he put to me was kinda funny actually, I asked him if he had a girl and he goes "Yep, got two of 'em" and I'm like "Man.." and he knew I was about to grill his ass for two timin' but he stopped me saying "I got one on the way, know what I mean?" then I got it. He's happy though, happiest I've ever heard him, maybe he'll do right now who knows. Of course I thought the same thing about my cousin Josh, his ass don't wanna keep a job so eh. He was calling from Billy's phone so I got him to put ol' Billyboy on, I talked to him for a minute, asked him if he knew where the home was that Justine and Leah were stayin' in; I was gonna go check on them, make sure they were doing alright and if they needed anything. He didn't know the name but he said it was on March Rd, Zack and Kelly live on March Rd so I made a mental note to give them a call later on. We made plans to go out to Hooter's tomorrow and split the tab on a big plate of wings, I ain't seen Woody in forever but he quit drinkin' so I'm glad of that and he said he'd gon try to quit smokin'. Ol' girl musta really straightened his ass out, 'bout damn time I say. First thing I needed to do was go to Wally World and get me an ink cartridge for my camera, Maw wanted me to get her a vacuum cleaner while I was out. She got shitty with me before I left because I told her I bought a battery charger, she says "Damn Cameron we got one of those in the den" I said "Well damn Maw I didn't know that ok? Not like I touch shit in there anyway" because we all know the den is in the oldman's territory and that's off limits to anyone and everyone but him. I'd rather have my own shit anyway, you borrow something from him and it's like you're indebted to him for the rest of your natural born life. So I left the house for Wal-Mart in Tillman's Corner, got there and all the vacuums were too big for Maw to handle so I called her and said all the cheapos and small ones were outta stock so I was headed over to the one on the Beltline to look for one. On my way there Teresa called, for some stupid reason I answered asking if she needed anything. She took it offensively, I mentally kicked myself in the ass over it and still am right now as a matter of fact. Heh, she said somethin' and Grandma Liles backed me up. I said to her "Love you too grams!" her grandma's such a sweetie I swear, and her grandpa's a real merry ol' soul. I called her back not long after doing my Middle Easterner impression, trying to make up for what I did by making her laugh and such ('cause I'm pissin' myself off saying sorry so much, makes me sound like a wuss). Dunno whether I suceeded or not, one can only hope. Went to the Beltline, got a vacuum, came home, Maw was gone to get Hunter and when she got back and I showed it to her she got pissed off at me again and said that was wrong and all this. I got angry because IMO you don't tell somebody to go get something and then get agitated when they don't bring back 'the right one' so I told her "Shit Maw then you should've went with me to get one instead of expecting me to second guess which one you'd prefer. You been tellin' me 'That's wrong' and 'We got this' all day long" she sighed and asked for the receipt, so I got it for her and she said she'd go back and get another one, that was the last argument of the day thankfully. Not too long after that I laid down on my bottom bunk and took a nap, shoulder was hurtin' me pretty bad. Got woke up by Victoria texting me, laid there awake for about 20 more minutes before I got up and started loading more of the pictures off my camera onto Photobucket. I decided I'd download LimeWire because I'm broke and I need more music that TK, 96.1, and Z-95 don't play very often. Talked to John Poelhein and Mark for a little bit, nothing special really. Give yourself to the Dark Side

Papa Bear to Mama Bear, makin' my way to Bay Chevrolet [02 Mar 2006|04:32pm] [ mood | guilty ] Man what a hectic day, I was so tired from runnin' around yesterday morning that I didn't get up and go to the doc with Maw so I didn't get the S-10 to Bay Chevrolet early enough. Instead I didn't get to leave until like 1 or something like that, Teresa wanted me to come to the movies so I was haulin' ass tryin' to get it done but Maw got held up at the pharmacy and couldn't pick me up in time. Then we had to take Peewee's wallet and glasses to him so by the time we got home Teresa called me back and said she had class tonight. That completely sucks, on a day I get to spend time with her somethin' goes wrong, ain't that some shit. Maybe this weekend, who knows. I got in the house, took my shirt off and such (I'm still wearin' the wife beater) and my left shoulder started givin' me fits so it's hurtin' like a bitch right now. Probably from the combination of push ups and lots of videogames, but who knows. Speakin' of which my '68 GTO on Midnight Club 3 is fine as hell, it's exactly how I want my '69 to be from the top on down. Racing stripes, nice rims, a blower, and a nice spoiler that gives it the appearence of a Judge and the Judge option didn't begin until '69. All in all, it's got looks and it's got speed so I really like it. Give yourself to the Dark Side

Whatever happened to sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll? [01 Mar 2006|11:06pm] [ mood | blank ] [ track #1 | Metallica "Fade To Black" Tuesday: Alternated between playing the three PS2 games I borrowed from Little Mike. First it was Midnight Club 3, then he convinced me to play The Warriors with him all day Monday. Tthe movie kicked ass and the game’s good, I wasn’t gonna decline. Monday night and Tuesday morning I was playing Devil May Cry 3, even on easy it can be kinda hard, but I’m slowly getting the hang of it, my old gamer’s mojo is on the rise. Much as I love Legacy of Kain games I have to say that the puzzles here are nowhere near as annoying. Teresa called asking what time I wanted to take her out to El Torro’s, I said whenever, it’s her bday and she should pick the time of day that suits her best. She opted for afternoon, so by 12 AM today I need to get that ACT registration form mailed off and have my truck at Bay Chevrolet. Shouldn’t be too long as long as I can drag Maw outta bed so I ain’t gotta sit and wait at Bay Chevrolet for hours on end. Also need to find out if my vinyls are factory or not, if not I’m in real deep shit because I want replacements just like ‘em. Despite still having a black and red eye and half her face swollen, Mary went home to Mike. Me and Maw still ain’t lettin’ up on those pictures though, we may go out and get me an ink cartridge tomorrow to get ‘em developed. I could take my memory card to Wal-Mart and have it done but then once they see what they’re developing they may call the cops, they confiscate ‘em, I get arrested for supposed abuse and then Maw would have to bail me out and it’d be a big mess so I’m not gonna go that route. Ink cartridges may be expensive but I doubt money’s a big issue here, we have evidence to put Mike away for a few years to maybe even a decade or two if we’re lucky. Wednesday: Teresa's 18th birthday was today (Happy birthday Kitten), I left early to try one more time to try and find the Nirvana Unplugged DVD for her (that's the one I been searchin' for high and low) naturally nobody had it and it royally pissed me off, so while I was at Best Buy I decided to try and make up for it by getting her the albums Nevermind and In Utero and if you dunno who those are by then you need to get the fuck off my blog and kindly remove yourself from my profile because you've obviously been dead for the last 16 years. You can not like them, but if you don't know them then you are no longer welcome here. I also got her a gift card from Maw, soon as I got home she stuck 20 bucks in it and I decided to get dressed up but not like for a dance. I put on my boots, my jeans, and my white dress shirt. Fixed my hair, didn't wear hat for once, and went on my way. I got to meet her friend Nick when I got there, cool guy. Took her out to eat at El Torro's, our waitress was really sweet and all but I'm pretty sure she was a Native Mexican, she had difficulty understanding what we were saying. What was funny though was she had gold on her two front teeth, reminded me of Master P, Nah nah nah! I know, that's mean, but still. After El Torro's we went to the Motel 6 where Nick was staying, Napoleon Dynamite was on, that movie was so much funnier the second go round than the first. Maybe now that I've seen it again I'll stop quoting it so much, yeah I say that and then I'll hang out with Teresa again and the habit will return. Freakin' idiot, god! Those two spit on my truck while I was getting my boots on man, I was in shock. That truck is like a part of my family, and for someone to shame it just aggitates me. I kept my cool though 'cause I know they were playing, and I got Teresa back for it, hehe. In more ways than one, though the second one was unintentional, it just kinda irked her that I take a different route to enjoy scenery *shrug* Took her home and such, came home myself, got really down about some shit and basically sat around and moped. I hate when I do that, but I did ask aloud for peace of mind, it only came after a hot bath. Man above can only help me so much, I'm sure he's got better things to do than bail me outta my mood swings from happy to sad. People 'cross the ocean dyin' and such, sure he's checkin' 'em in to the great wide open and all that. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but sometimes I can still be so damned emo and I despise it with a firey hatred. Time for some videogames to keep my mind occupied... 2 | Give yourself to the Dark Side

Making peace with God [28 Feb 2006|01:25am] [ mood | confused ] On the morning of February 27th, sometime between 1 and 1:30 AM, I did something that I haven't done in well over 4 years; I prayed to God before I slept. For forgiveness for turning my back on him, for protection, for peace of mind. When I was over at Teresa's she asked me why I turned away from Christianity, I told her. There were a lot of reasons, the most important being my asking for my Aunt's deliverance from her abusive husband and then of course my selfish request for true love. I started smoking weed every so often to try and cope with it all. Then there was my return to Pillans in the 8th grade when I started praying harder and harder for peace, to take me away from there and yet it seemed as if the presence I'd had during 7th at Fulton had left me. In a fit of rage one night, I said aloud as I lay in bed, a broken young man "Fuck God" She pushed the subject, so far as to get angry with me when she felt that nothing I said was a good enough reason. It seemed justified at the time, but looking back I'm not so sure myself anymore. Lately even before she and I got into that discussion I was feeling nostalgic just before I ate, like I missed saying grace or something. Sometimes I'd lay in bed and wanna pray, but feel like I couldn't because of what I'd said. How to do you get an apology accepted from God himself? It's almost as if I've fallen so far there is no going back to the path of righteousness I once sought out in my early teenage life. Guess now if I go to hell, I'll walk in with regrets instead of getting them when my soul burns. I dunno where to go with this Give yourself to the Dark Side

Biscuit eatin' bastard [27 Feb 2006|08:40pm] [ mood | sick ] Cheese biscuits from Red Lobster and honey biscuits from Church's Chicken are the motherfuckin' bizomb! And now, a word from our sponsor… Friday: Decided to ride my excuse out and not go today because I THOUGHT like a fool we'd be takin' my truck up to Bay Chevrolet to get the taillight problem fixed, we didn't, big surprise. Zack's wedding rehearsal was later that night, lasted about 2 hours. Saturday: Zack's big day, his wedding to Kelly Miller. All the groomsmen: Me, Daniel (Ray Ray), Russell (Roach), Joseph (Spider-Man), and Kelly's brother George were all dressed in jeans, boots, baseball caps, and leather jackets. Just to make it that little more redneck Ray Ray gave me an empty can of skoal to put in my back pocket, funny shit. Damn preacher had Chopper wall paper in his office, even his speech was like a biker's "Man if it I'd of rode my hog today I'd be wearin' what you guys got on" talkin' about the leather, he was pretty cool. At one point us all groomsmen were in the nursery where Kelly had gotten dressed to get pictures, I can't remember which one of us said it but anyway somebody said how Spidey was gonna have a real bachelor party. Lauren (Spider's woman) grabbed him by his chin and turned him towards her and said just as plain as she could speak "you better not have no stripper" 'bout that time Ray Ray turned to me and whispered "Nah not a stripper, try three or four" I smirked and patted him on the back. Once all of us had walked down the aisle with our bridesmaid, Kelly had come down, they said their vows, did their songs and all that good stuff they tried to light the candles. Those damn things would not light for nothin', so the decorator lady came up and gave 'em this grill lighter, well that wouldn't catch so George passed me his cigarette lighter and I handed that to 'em. Well the flame wouldn't reach so George turned it into a crack lighter with like a 3 inch flame, that sum bitch lit 'em. After they were pronounced man and wife, all us groomsmen went "yee-ha!!!" and twirled our hats. We were gonna wear cowboy hats but the only one of us with one was Zack, the decorator had some but they weren't our size, more like kiddy hats and they just wasn't workin' for me and Spider-Man. Stayed at the reception, had a little something' to eat then came on home because I was gonna go on to Miso, hadn't been in a few weeks. Well I went on, some frat kids had a party so we had a lot of trash to clean up and the bags leaked so there was garbage juice all down the hall. I was resourceful and threw down some paper towels, started skatin' on the floor with my boots. It was pretty fun actually, strange how you can make something tedious into something enjoyable Finished that, got back inside and Tiffany asked me something I'll never forget: would I wear the Rikku outfit Nicole had on from AWA. I figured "Sure why not, shits and giggles" so I went and put it on and I now know why some women hate to wear skirts. I could not lift my damn legs in that thing. Plus they had me wearing this halter top and it was very disturbing and yet so damned funny at the same time. The fucked up part is I ordered a pizza and the damn pizza showed up with me in the outfit! I was so damn embarrassed it wasn't even funny. I changed back into my regular clothes though and I was happy. Everybody got plenty of photographic evidence though, Pocky even got it on his videocamera. You owe me Tiffany! I left early with Paige because this was her last night here. She, her sister Molly, and I all went to Waffle House; I'd downed half my pizza already so I was good. I went back to their place for a bit, played with Paige's Pomeranian Max, such a cute little guy. Took a few pics and then I decided it was time to go home, I hugged Paige and she started to cry. I told her no matter where she went I'd be with her 'cause we have a bond that none could break. She made me take an oath to watch out for Molly in her absence, Molly asked for my number and I gave it, a sister of my sister is a sister of mine. Came home, come to find out Mike had jumped on Mary, busted her left all up so now it's all purple. Maw had me take a picture of it then and the next day for evidence, we're puttin' his ass away this time around, if I had to go to the Mobile Police myself. Sunday: Spent all day playing The Warriors and Midnight Club 3 DUB Edition on PS2, Teresa called asking if I was bored, of course I said hell yeah because even videogames get dull after a while. So I went out to her place, we watched like almost all of the first ep of Demon Lord Dante before we got bored and started watching Shrek 2. Today: Videogames man, I need to get to work on that next chapter in Dark New Day but I'm startin' to feel really sick so I think I'm gonna lay on down for a bit, later on all Give yourself to the Dark Side

She's like Dr. Pepper, she makes the world taste better [23 Feb 2006|11:08pm] [ mood | relieved ] Returned from from Dr. Behlen, I have what’s called hyperkeratosis on my hands which means an extra layer of skin has grown and dried out and therefore the skin cannot stretch so it cracks. This is why I currently have Darth Sidious hands, Doc said they’d heal in about a month or two, until then I suppose I’ll just have to keep wearing jackets and such to keep them hidden unless it’s just too damn hot. Nobody seems to notice ‘em though, so that eases the mind a bit. Asked Maw to talk to David about me working with him on the weekends and over Mardi Gras holidays, she said even though she trusted him she didn't want anything going wrong with my pay. I know what she meant, she didn't want another Dad situation where I work my ass off for a week or so then don't get what I earned. Guess I'll have to seek out a weekend job elsewhere. My plan was to try and help Maw get my truck paid off, buy some shocks, fix the center console, fix the glove box, get the dynamat and baffles to put behind the speakers to keep water from gettin' behind 'em and shortin' out, then finally get all that shit installed. A couple days ago while I was at Wally World I saw an S-10 that was a stepside and the same body style as mine with a Xtreme body kit, looked damn good so I may go with one of those. The Xenon bodykits are nice but eh...I dunno, I wanna sleeper look. Looks like your average run-of-the-mill S-10 with a fairly decent paintjob and a monster engine under the hood that they don't know about 'til you put gas to that sum bitch and make it roar like a tiger. Not a pissed off bumble bee, but an enraged tiger about to pounce your ass. Just to warn you you're coming to the very stupid rant section of the entry, after I dropped off Teresa at school I headed onto Denton, Coach West is still in the hospital and we had Mrs. Williams as a substitute again. Watched movies all night, it was boring as hell. This girl Myles was talkin' to was all grossed out when I burped, later on Myles and Cobb heard one and were all "Dude whoever's doin' that needs to fuckin' quit" and shit. That didn't bother me, what did was Myles took off his shoe and put his foot right beside that girl after she just got done saying how gross I was. His fuckin' foot's been in that shoe all day, but that's not gross. My burps are hardly timed ok, they're very spur of the moment so I hardly get a chance to cover my mouth; but it's ok for a dude to stick his smelly ass foot beside you and you think it's ok. I don't even know why I let little shit like this bother me when it's probably me whose in the wrong but it does because it all boils down to this: people love to play favorites. Like I always said, somebody can tell a joke to someone and someone else tell them to shut up or that's stupid, somebody they know could tell that same joke and it's just so damned funny. End stupid childish rant Basically I left school feeling like I always do, outcast. I got to Remington, I sat there for a few minutes before Teresa came out and gave me a hug, and just like that everything was cool again like nothing bad had ever happened. After she went back to class I called up Hoppy, my cousin Justin, and finally Mat. I didn't talk to Hoppy long because I called him, left a message and then he called back while I was talkin' to Mat who I must've talked to for like 10-15 minutes. Good to catch up with him atleast, haven't seen the guy in three weeks, him or Josh. I told him I'd talk to him later 'cause Teresa was coming out, took her on home. It never ceases to amaze me how I can have the shittiest day, spend some time with her and it make me feel like a 5 year old who just got back from Chuckie Cheese and a candy store. 2 | Give yourself to the Dark Side

Now who wants to go home, and who wants to go with ME!? [23 Feb 2006|12:29pm] [ mood | rejuvenated ] Since I knew I was going to the dermatologist today, I decided to sleep in. I thought about going to school just for first block but we had was a test so I said screw it, shut off my alarm and went back to sleep. Took 15 hours but I’ve got most of my energy back, I’m not draggin’ or feelin’ like I could use a nap. Last night I helped Hunter with his homework, he’s a Kindergartener and he reads very well, much better than what I did at that age. Took me ‘til second grade to learn how to read and Little Mike ‘til the end of first grade. After I helped him with his words and his reading, I gave him a hug and a peck on his gold covered head and told him how proud I was of him and for the millionth time that he was gonna be the smartest of us three. He’s growin’ up so fast…as much as I love him, I wish I could do some of the things for Davey and the girls that I do for Hunter. I could do more for Hunter but my schedule prevents most of it, still his progression shows to me that he’s not gonna need much help, if any at all when he’s older as I did. He won’t have ADD, and I don’t think he’ll have ADHD either like we first believed. Mom called me Tuesday night wanting to know when graduation was and all that, naturally I was annoyed as a monkey that had just had it’s banana taken away then bitch slapped outta the tree. This morning she called Maw with an attitude because I didn’t “tell her anything” she wanted to know when I was going to Florida and all that. When’s she gonna learn that if even if I had that planned out now that I wouldn’t tell her anyway? God, idiot! As much as I hate Napoleon Dynamite, I’ve been quoting it left and right these past couple days, maybe it’s one of those movies that ya hate the first go round then ya watch it a second time and it grows on you. Not sure, only one way to find out though. So onward with the morning’s shit, I got outta bed refreshed, took a shower and got dressed in my boots and jeans and the Mudvayne t-shirt Teresa so kindly gave to me. Grabbed Grandaddy Buck’s camo jacket to keep me warm today. Got a UTI card in the mail, gonna drop it off by the post office on my way to Behlen’s for a brochure. Either tomorrow or Monday I’m gonna talk to Mrs. Hill about scholarships because I really don’t wanna stay home another year if I can help it. 2 | Give yourself to the Dark Side

My tour's up, I just want to go home [22 Feb 2006|08:44pm] [ mood | proud ] Drew myself up from my bed at 4:55 AM on the dot (Pontiac 455 big-block, anyone?), took a shower, dressed mahself, ate the chicken breast Maw got me from Wendy’s yesterday. Reset my alarm for 6:30 and laid down on the bottom bunk for 30 minutes before I had to leave, made it to school at 7. Soon as I arrived, like always here lately I had to disconnect my battery because my taillights just wouldn’t cut off, baby’s goin’ back to Bay Chevrolet tomorrow. I’m gonna get outta school tomorrow after first block and take it there, I have an appointment with the dermatologist so I’ll have an excuse for the day. The damn battery posts are so warped I can barely turn ‘em with a ratchet anymore and I damn sure ain’t buyin’ new ones until the taillight problem’s solved because I’m not replacin’ the damn things every week or two, fuck that. Me and Billy walked up together we usually do, Alabama’s Outlaws. I stopped for a moment to speak with Heather Scott, give her a hug and the such; talked to John Holloway a minute, shook his hand and all that good shit. Then proceeded onto the spot, Billyboy and I had been really worried about the girls, low and behold by the manhole they stood: Justine and Leah. Justine hurried over and gave me a tight hug, thanked me. “Whatchu thankin’ me for?” “For being there when I needed you, I saw your name on one of the papers” She drew back and then took on her infamous feisty look, aimed for Billy and said she didn’t see his name. I stuck up for Billyboy though, told her came with me and that I tried to get Ward too but she interjected saying I’d called him a pussy for not doing a statement. I don’t remember callin’ him that, but apparently she’d already spoke to dipshit himself that morning and that must’ve been how she found out it was my idea to vouch for her. The three of us startin’ walkin’ towards the manhole, finally arriving. Gave Megan (Weaver) a hug and Leah, found out that Leah’s goin’ to live with her bf James and Justine’s debating between my, Billy, or Robbie’s place. My place is out now because I asked Maw when I got home and she didn’t think DHR would go for it given the circumstances because of how much the old man drinks. He’s not a mean drunk, nah he’s an all around asshole but he knows better than to lay a finger on Maw. Still DHR isn’t gonna deem a old man who drinks 24/7 to be a fit guardian. Like yesterday, I walked Justine to her first block class along with maybe 3 other guys, it’s good that they wanted to watch over as I did; but they’re all soft. They don’t have any experience in fighting, I can tell that just by looking at them. I’ve got mine, but I’m not saying I’m the baddest sum bitch around ‘cause I’m not and I won’t ever be. Old saying goes: always somebody bigger and badder. I still have a better chance of taking on John and winning then any of them. Mrs. Kiser’s class was next door, so I had no trouble gettin’ in on time. We only had about 45 minutes of class time, Mrs. K didn’t think that was enough for our test so she gave us a choice we could take the test then or tomorrow but if we chose not to we’d do work anyway. Some of us chose the test, me and my side chose the work. David and Dustin are still crackin’ on me for Monday when I had an outburst. Basically I’d forgotten to get my progress report signed for 10 extra points, David asked Dustin if he had his so I went “No!! Damnit!!” from the realization. Apparently the way I did it cracked up those two because they’ve been raggin’ on me about it for days. David does a damn funny impression of it so I can’t get mad at ’em for it. They ain’t never gonna let me live it down though Did our work, instead of ringin’ the bell Mr. Rowell played “Heaven” or whatever by Los Lonely Guys, said if we didn’t make it to class by song’s end we were tardy, gay. We were goin’ to homeroom because the Sophomores had their writing assessment today, I escorted Justine to hers and then went to my own. Stonehenge and Ward played pencil break most of the time while we waited. Funny thing was Chris didn’t have a pencil in second block after that, how convenient. Soon as we got into second I did my shit, went to sleep, which I don’t remember doing (the going to sleep part). I just remember doing my work and the next thing I knew I was wakin’ up just before the lunch bell rang. Again I walked Justine to her class, from there I went to Mrs. Patrick’s room to drop off my book bag. When I got down to the amphitheater most of my jerky was gone, I got hungry in homeroom and started munchin’ one some, I think I had one or two nuggets left. Mark gave me change for a dollar, I went inside to the machines for a drink real fast, the bell rang for third block though and I had to take it with me, chug on the way. Finished it off on class though, just kinda hid it in my sweater which I had draped over my arm so Mrs. Patrick didn’t notice it. We did a test in there which I bombed, after she graded it Mrs. Patrick called me up asking what the deal was, I told her the truth that I just didn’t have time to study with night school and all. She said she’d talk to me tomorrow about strategies and such. Not gonna be in her class tomorrow, but maybe I can take a rain check on that Friday, I want an A when I leave that class. I really gotta apologize to her at the end of the year for mooning her when I was a Sophomore, she’s really a nice lady. I logged onto TK101.com, listened to the acoustic version of “I Dare You” by Shinedown and the cover of Alice In Chains’ “Nutshell” done by Staind. I ran into Justine again on the way to fourth, she had good news for me: John went to jail. “Party over here!” I exclaimed and then broke into my favorite part of the Fuck Song “smoking’ weed, smoking’ whiz, doin’ coke, drinkin’ beers; drinkin’ beers, beers, beers” I hugged her bye and walked to Mrs. Thomas’ class, which was next door. Me and her have two classes that are next door, that’s mad crazy yo. My tour as a Guardian of Gruendle has ended, I’m happy as fuck because she and her siblings are safe now from the clutches of a stepfather who IMO should get butt fucked every night while he’s in jail/prison or whatever. Have fun bein’ a big guy name Bubba’s bitch, John. In fourth I wrote a poem about my deceased friend John Dixon, about the good times and his death. His birthday’s comin’ up, and the one year anniversary of his death ain’t long behind. Thought I might send it to Big John, David, and Daniel as a memoire since I couldn’t attend the wake or the funeral. I owe it to Jay. Went to night school, Coach was sick in the hospital so Mr. Tome said he wasn’t checkin’ role and that we could all go home. I was so fuckin’ happy man, I went to the mall and looked around, just got back like 30 minutes ago. Didn’t find what I wanted though and it pissed me off because I went to five different places and usually the DVD is in heavy supply. When I ain’t got the money, they have a surplus to taunt me, when I have money it’s nowhere to be found. Fate, you’re a bitch and you should be slapped for making me waste my gas and my time. Give yourself to the Dark Side

Alryth's Stand [22 Feb 2006|12:41am] [ mood | tired ] Sunday and Monday are for the most part irrelevant, today was probably one of the most stressful and at the same time more hopeful days of my life. Justine Gruendle, an ex-girlfriend and good friend of mine finally got fed up with her Step Fathers abuse and told our principal about it, she was really afraid this morning that he was gonna show up and do something’ to her. Not while I was around buddy, I stayed with her like a hawk watching every corner for any signs of him. I also have a newfound respect for Robbie, a dude who while can be loud and obnoxious, has also been very good towards Justine. Basically she said “This guy has been like a brother to me, he once gave me 200 dollars when I had nothing” and that was when I began to rethink everything. I don’t think he just wants a piece of ass anymore, I think the dude genuinely wants to help her and it wasn’t right of me to judge him. I’ve no right to judge anyone at all. I remember after walking Justine to her second block class he said somethin’ about John (Justine’s Stepdad) then pointed to me sayin’ “That’s the one he’s really gotta worry about” I only replied with “I’m like a machine man, you literally have to beat the hell out of me to keep me down” I was very serious at the moment, wanting nothing more than to skip all my classes and stay by Justine’s side to watch over her. Third block I never caught up with her, however when I got to lunch I made a disturbing discovery. If lying she could be sent to Stricklyn, juvi. I know she wasn’t lying, Billy knew, and so did Anthony. I didn’t wanna take any chances so I insisted we all go up there and say something to Mr. Rowell. Well Billy and Anthony were against it, Billy because of his suspended license and Ward because of trouble with the law. I got really pissed at ‘em both and said “You think I don’t have shit on the line here? What the fuck ever happened to stickin’ your neck out for a friend even if it meant putting yourself in danger?” I looked at Anthony “What happened to that Ward?” he just kinda smiled and said nothin’. Look at Billy “Whatever happened to that Billy?” he said nothin’. Ward pointed to the overpass where Justine was walking beside our principal Mr. Rowell. I walked over to Billy and pleaded with him “Billy, you know more about it than me” he still said nothing. I let the silence hang for a moment then countered it “If you’re gonna help her, now is the time” Billy made his decision and told me to come on, Anthony sat there and as far as I’m concerned he turned his back on Justine. Billy and I went up there, I did all the talkin’, told Mr. Rowell we needed to talk to him about Justine; he said the more about the situation he heard the worse things seemed to get. So he took us back into his office and had us fill out some statements about what we knew. I only knew that she came to school a lot scared out of her wits, not fake bullshit either, I mean a genuine fear like you could feel it creeping off her. There was the time she broke her wrist and claimed John was behind it, I remember her limping a couple other times, and then today she said he beat her little brother’s bare ass until the kid had bloody whelps. I guess that was the last straw for her. As me and Billy finished up our statements, in came Robbie to write one of his own. More respect points earned for Robbie. Honestly today he hasn’t been the last bit loud, I guess he’s the sort who knows when it’s time to be real and when it’s time to play. Playtime was long over and I’m glad he understood that, makes him more of a man with more balls than Anthony IMO. Billy and I went into third block late, did nothing the whole block because Mrs. Patrick assigned no work, found out I got 500 extra credit points for that workday (oh yeah surefire A buddy) but I still had the Justine situation on my mind. In fourth block I started to calm down a bit, the atmosphere of fourth is just so soothing. Plus I had to show off my pic of me in tux when I was 11 and Maw all dressed up sittin’ beside me at the piano. I was a chubby little guy then, so much more innocent and unknowing of the cruelties and subtleties that life had to offer me. On my back from the bathroom I saw Robbie and Leah’s boyfriend (Leah is Justine’s younger sister) staring at the cop cars below. Robbie waved me over, I asked him what the situation was, he said he didn’t know nothin’ new. They pointed John out to me, my first words “Yeah he looks like a dick” Billy made this guy out to be a powerhouse, said he was an ironworker and such. He don’t look so damned tough to me, granted looks can be deceiving but if it came down to it and he was hurting Justine, Leah, or their little brother. I’d take that motherfucker to the ground and he’d have to beat me to near death to get me off or kill me one, nobody fucks with my friends like that no matter who they are and nobody has the right to beat on children especially when they ain’t theirs in the first damn place but you don’t beat on your kids regardless. They’re gifts, not punching bags. After school I called Billy because the cop cars were gone, according to him neither of the girls were on the bus. I’m hoping DHR stepped in and moved them out, let them stay with a family member, I only hope they still go to Theodore even for one more day so I can give Justine the note I wrote her in night school. I went home my thawed TV dinner Maw had waitin’ for me. A woman shouldn’t have to cook all the time y’know. She got me a new book bag because my old one I’ve had for like two years and it’s tearin’ to pieces, this one she got from JC Penney’s for 120 bucks. My jaw dropped at the price, I said “Maw…” but before I could get it outta my mouth she lifted her hand to shush me and said “I don’t care, it’s nice and it’s real leather so I know it’ll last ya” I told her I liked it, and I do, because leather’s my thing (black leather especially) so I gave her a hug. No I do not wear black leather bondage stuff, just jackets and boots thank you. Night school we did most of Chapter 8, Coach is about to assign us a project worth 10K points, it either passes us or fails us. It’s the equivalent of 100 test grades, it’s insane, but if I could find a way to do good on it than I could pass his class. I’d still work, but still having like an A or a B would really help my GPA and such. Onto the letter I wrote Justine, goes a little something’ like this… Justine, Haven’t written you one of these in sometime, it could be the last so I’ll make it count. I am by your side always to protect you and your sister from what and whoever may threaten you. Billy and I went to Mr. Rowell today and spilled everything we knew about your situation, I want you and Leah somewhere safe and that bastard stepfather of yours locked up where his kind belongs. I couldn’t get Anthony to come, he was too afraid he’d get himself into shit, selfish. Billy was skeptical at first but I persuaded him to come with me because he knew more than me. I don’t know what’s gonna happen to you, your sister and your brother. I just want you to know I’m always here Alryth, you’re my friends and my friends are equivalent of family to me. I may not have Robbie’s money, but I will help all of you anyway that I can. If you should leave Theodore, take care of yourself and your siblings, because you’ll be their mother, or the closest thing they have. If you ever need me, here’s my information And then I put my cell number, home number, e-mail, and address incase she ever needed anything. Ending it with Sincerely, Fray Because that was her nickname for me. Never really called me by it, just used it when we wrote notes back and forth which hasn’t happened since we went out and that was during first semester, couple months ago, been awhile. Incase anyone’s wondering why I posted this useless bit of information, it’s because I feel as though my readers, my friends on here should know I have no secrets. I mean I do have secrets but there’s some things I don’t feel should be kept secret like this. Not like everybody didn’t know anyway, hell Amberly of all people even called me up saying how bad she felt for Justine. And Justine HATES Amberly last I checked, yet Amberly was nice enough to say she felt for her. Speaking of Amberly…I talked to Hoppy last night and he said she’d changed and everything because I’d told him about how she hugged me at lunch yesterday and said she missed me a lot. I said “I don’t wanna hurt her feelings man, but my heart belongs to someone else” he just said don’t break off nothing’ good I had goin’ on, to keep with it. Give yourself to the Dark Side

Not everything has to be killed on sight [19 Feb 2006|08:06pm] [ mood | depressed ] Rolled outta bed at like 2 today, I hadn't been so sore since I first started workin' out two years. No more campus clean ups and bowling in the same night. The aftermath is very nonpleasant Zack's tattoo artist Penny called me because Zack was callin' everybody but his mother last night on my cell (most of it was after 9 so it was free), she tried calling the Millers' house but nobody picked up so I called him and relayed the message. Started talking to Paige, turns out she had to come back home until Thursday when she and Billy (Bragg) could get housing on the base. I found out there are two cities in Texas south of Houston called Cameron and Paige, and they're right next to eachother. Funny how that is and my best friend is named Paige, she's goin' to Texas and I'm goin' within the next year or two. Talk about your strange coincidences. Sometimes in life you do cruel things that you don't realize are cruel at the time, you're blinded by the whole "survival of the fittest" law that we're taught in science. Though the situation seemed different then, I am looking at the snake killing yesterday in a whole new light now. I could've just picked the thing up with the rake and threw it off in the woods somewhere, it was probably half dead from smoke anyway, but no it moved and I followed my first instinct to kill first and ask questions later. In doing so I envoked the anger of someone whose opinion of me I try to keep so high because she means so much to me. The lesson here is that I should value all life, whether it's appearence is cute and cuddly or even chillingly and menacing. 1 | Give yourself to the Dark Side

Bum Ass Bowler [19 Feb 2006|03:59am] [ mood | tired ] Friday: That morning I gave Anthony my math book, paper, and my workbook so he could do my Chapter 7 worksheets because I know squat about Trig. I asked him if he was for sure he'd have time to do 'em because I didn't wanna inconvenience him and I didn't wanna give it to him if he wasn't gonna do it y'know. I could've probably found another friend of mine whose a Geometry genius to do it for me. He said he'd handle it though. Just hope he comes through. I actually talked to Jennifer and Beth, they asked if Megan (Weaver) was my girlfriend and I looked at 'em like they were nuts and said "No that's my cousin" and Beth's all "Well you lifted her skirt just a second ago when you came over" see there's this hump with a manhole where we stand, I probably brushed her skirt and just didn't realize it. They told me Jamie was gettin' married and Jennifer was gettin' married, neither one of those marriages will last and if they do they'll always be unhappy I can guarantee that. I don't wish unhappiness on them, but Jamie and David fight too much. Morgan's gonna get tired of Jennifer when he realizes she doesn't like to cook and clean, so I don't see that goin' on for too long unless Morgan's just that desperate. Onto better things Got our progress reports in Mrs. Kiser's class, I currently hold a 60 in there, I'm gonna try and bring it up, too borderline for comfort y'know. I understand Chapter 3 pretty well though so I believe I'll do good in that, I think I should do a lot better on all the chapters we cover because I've seen 'em in night school. I may not know 'em like the back of my hand but atleast I'll have an idea of what to expect. Second block we watched Napoleon Dynamite. It had it's funny moments, but the movie is just as stupid as I predicted it would be. Atleast Scary Movie had a plot, this is just kinda blah. You know you're in love when even the stupidest or simplest things remind you of that someone. I enjoy being in love, it keeps me lookin' up and forward to the future; but damn if I ain't a sap for this one. What dude in his right mind thinks about the one he loves while watching Napoleon Dynamite? The whole scene with "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper while him and Deb were at the dance didn't help to supress my feelings either. And I don't even like Cyndi Lauper. Wtf is goin' on with me man Third block I think we did a study guide or something, too damn hot so I copied the first two pages off of Billy, changed some of the answers around, rest of the sheet I just marked answers. I hate working in that damned heat man, we need box fans for all the classrooms. Bo Maynard and Bret Lund had some crazy shit goin', they had Chad Henner film it. Bo was talkin' like this middle easterner I guess, Bret was interviewing him and askin' him questions. Asked if him if he liked them ol' bologne nipples on a girl and Bo goes "oh yes" then Bret asks him "Do you like black, white, or pink pussy?" and Bo goes "all kinds" Bret fake slaps him to the floor, Bo yells out all crazy and goes jumping out the fuckin' window. It was great, you'd of had to been there to really enjoy the moment Fourth block was about like it had been all week, I tried to work but found myself overcome by the heat. Talked to Liv and Danielle most of the block. Somehow we got on the subject of sex, as Danielle pulled out a piece of gum and put it on her tongue I said to her "Oh that's sexy" she got in her mouth and started laughin' before she could chew it. Good times Left school, ran an errand then came home to get some food and go get Zack. Didn't bother to take a shower 'cause I'd had one that morning before school, I was still clean for the most part, and I figured I was just gonna get dirty anyway so what the hell? Made it out there, turns out we weren't gonna go get the dresser, instead we were gonna roll to Zack's cousin Brandon's wake. I was in a plain white shirt a pair of jeans, my boots, and Paw Paw Buck's camo jacket; I wasn't exactly dressed for a wake but I went along with it anyway because it was Zack's cousin and I know he wanted to pay homage to him. So it was me, him, and Kelly all squeezed into my truck and then we had to go get Kelly's friend Ashley so they squeezed in the backseat. Got to the wake, Zack never went in, Kelly got halfway to the door and just couldn't do it. I took Ashley in, she cried heavily so I pulled her to me and let cry on my shoulder. I hate to see any woman cry, I didn't know the dude personally but I'd seen him around the Bryant Center before. Zack said I'd recognize him and I did. Just wish to hell it didn't have to be under these circumstances. Shook his Dad's hand, said he looked very peaceful, of everyone he seemed to be taking it best. I mean he had a smile on his face and everything. Must be a very solid man, I know I got a strong foundation but when somebody I love passes it crumbles and breaks away. We left, went over to Wal-Mart (minus Ashley because her Dad came not long after to take her home), were gonna go to the mall afterward but it had already closed. So I took them on home, returned to the homestead myself to get some sleep because I knew what lie ahead of me today. Saturday: Woke up at 6 sharp, started getting myself ready for the campus clean up at school. My first thoughts wakin' up "I gotta be a crazy sum bitch to go to school on a Saturday, at 8 in the mornin' no less" I was there by 8, we started burning brush and hedges off the fence separating the school from the church. Coach Meredith appointed me as the Fire Watchmen, after he left it was just Mrs. Patrick and a couple of us students. Mrs. Patrick went to go do something and told me I was in charge and to watch the fire closely, I was already doing so but I complied anyway. Only three people there that I knew were Sarah Terrell, Jessica Ivey, and Antonio Rayford. Some of the girls were by the fence raking, as I was walkin' along the fence checkin' it I noticed they were actin' kinda strange so I went down there to check it out. Turns out they found a snake, no idea what kind it was but I had one of 'em hand me a rake and I cautiously picked it up. It looked dead at first, probably choked to on the smoke because it was in one of the burn piles. I set it down and it started to move so I beat it to death with the rake then crushed it's skull with the butt. After that I dispose of the body, handed the rake back so they could continue what they were doing. Ivey thanked me for killing it, I said no problem and went back to my fire watchin' duties. Needless to say for the first hour or so I didn't do much of anything besides watch fire like I was told. Towards the end I finally got to get my hands, instead of just my boots dirty. Clipped some pricky and thorned weeds in a rock bed we had around some trees. Cleaned up the leftover and by the time I was finishin' that up it was around 11:20 and everybody just suddenly started leaving. I mean like within 5 minutes everybody was GONE. I never see anyone leave that quick when the bell rings everyday, I mean it was like seeing a cop car get a call and then fly off. I went with Mrs. Patrick to look at the shrubbery, lock the old bathroom up where they keep the gardening tools (they have the breaker box in there and I guess they don't want anybody screwin' with it so they kept it locked up). Mrs. Patrick left, I went over to the church to douse a smoldering pile of debris, then I left myself. Came home, ate a little bit and went back to bed. Zack called me three times, once before I dozed off, once a couple hours later that woke me up but I ignored it and went back to sleep. Then again 5:25 when I finally just got pissed, got outta bed and answered the phone. He wanted me to come pick him up 'cause him and Kelly were fightin', I told him to gimme a little bit to get woke up and all. Hung up and got pissed because I was sleepin' so good, but I went ahead and cleaned all the dirt and ash off my boots, then grabbed my Skynyrd shirt out of the closet and a clean pair of jeans. Took a shower, ate something, then left out to get him. First thing we did was go to the house of a friend of his named Daniel, better known from here on out as Ray Ray. Met Ray, his grandma, his Uncle Bobby, Roach, and Russell. His Grandma was a very nice lady, she was telling me all kinds of stories. My reaction was "You're from the old school" and she just kinda chuckled and said "Well I was always taught a woman should be able to defend herself" I'd say kickin' your husband's ass for hittin' ya is definitely defense, go grandma. So we left there, I told him I really needed to get both Caitlin and Teresa gift while I was out and I'd get Heather's tomorrow when I had a little more time to think about what I could get. He said Bel Air would be too far away because we were deep in Grand Bay at the time, so he suggested we go to the Singing River Mall. Ok, cool, never been there before but hey it's worth a try. Headed out there, they didn't have a damn thing, wasted gas. We stopped at Taco Bell for some food and that's when I realized I had no money on me, so I was all fucked up. I gotta quit this jumpin' through hoops shit, it's fuckin' me up too bad. Had I slept a few more hours or even took some more time to woke up and not been in such a hurry I'd of remembered to grab that 100 dollars in my money box. Change of plans when Kelly groaned and moaned at him until he finally just decided to take her with us to the bowling alley, had to stop and pick up her and her little brother Chris on the way back to DIP so I could get my money. Called up Maw while I was waitin' outside for them asking if I could use the Honda 'cause I was tired of pilin' people in my truck. Granted I had to do it anyway to cart them to my house but it was startin' to get nerve wracking. Took off, came home, got my money and exchanged the S-10 out for the Accord, left there and headed to Krystal's on Highway 90 so we could meet Ray and the rest of the boys up. Me and Zack were hungry as shit, Kelly and Chris had already eaten so we went inside and got 12 Krystal Chiks. Half was his, half mine. Took us about 30 minutes just to get the damn food so instead of sittin' down to eat we just ate on the way, we didn't go to Skyline because all their lanes were reserved, instead we went to a alley off of Airport Blvd. I got to meet Joseph, or as they call him, Spider-Man. So by that time I'd met all of what Zack calls the Redneck Mafia. Ray Ray, Spider-Man, Roach, him, and Rodeo. We bowled three games, first two games I sucked, well I sucked the second game I got one strike and the third game too but I got three strikes, beginner's luck I'd say but I also think I'm slowly getting' better at bowling. If I could just get used to the weight of the ball y'know. Damn near 4 AM, what the hell you doin' up readin' this thang child? Go your ass to bed Give yourself to the Dark Side

Minglin' with the college peoples [17 Feb 2006|12:15am] [ mood | tired ] First block we worked on Lesson 4 in Chapter 3, I’ve started to talk to David Wade and Dustin Hays a lot more since Cartwright’s been gone. What can I say, I like to have a buddy or two in all my classes. Second block Mrs. Rigsby was back, turned in my last piece of make up work along with some aluminum can tabs for extra points that I’ll probably need down the road later on. We took this test that I made a 76 on, funny thing was I guessed on most of it. See the thing with English is you pay attention up until middle school, once you get in high school the shit’s easy because you’ve seen it all before, you see nothing new, it’s all a review. I haven’t studied for an English test since Pillans, granted I don’t study much at all these days, don’t really have the time. I skim over notes, studying requires at least an hour of looking over something and I honestly cannot recall the last time I’ve did that. All through high school I’ve skimmed so that probably explains a lot. I went to Mrs. Patrick’s room to drop off my book bag, when I got to the amphitheater I got my work off Anthony then had to take it back to the classroom. I didn’t understand any of the shit after Lesson 3, it went off into Trigonometry. We’re in Geometry for cryin’ out loud and they got us doin’ Trigonometry, this just keeps gettin’ better and better. What kinda shit is that? We ain’t no honor’s class man. Why the hell do you think we’re in night school in the first place? Anyway enough of venting, just wanna say that without Anthony Ward I probably wouldn’t pass, he’s a good dude underneath all the pervy ways. This week I have not seen one pervy thing from him, he’s really into that girl. Problem is she has a boyfriend and he has a problem talkin’ to her, she don’t like notes so he’s pretty fucked. This is the only girl I’ve ever seen Ward do this to, he doesn’t get turned on by her he just turns to stone when she’s around like they do in the chick flicks. Oh and at the end of lunch Megan (Langham) was nice enough as to bring me my watch, left a nice little comment on her MySpace last night saying “Reward for lost watch” she dangled it in front of my face and said “I want my damn reward” so I took it and gave her a hug. That was my reward for her, hehe. Third block we did a test, cheated on it and made a 76, two 76’s on two tests in two different classes in one day, that’s some freaky shit. Rest of the period was spent on doin’ chapter 35 vocab. The school was hotter than hell on a summer day in all four blocks due to the lack of an AC system. So I lifted the windows every class I was in but fourth. In third Mrs. Patrick shut ‘em because the loud mouths of the class wouldn’t shut their traps. Fourth block I didn’t do any work, propped the door open with a book but it didn’t let much air in. I felt like I was about to have a damn heat stroke, towards the end of the block I typed up my poem I’d written about the Sweetheart Dance. Kadie Cleveland, an alumni of the 2nd Semester 4th block last year was a sit in for the class today because her teacher wasn’t there, I let her read the poem, she said it was sweet. Good to see somebody else from the old class, havin’ Holly around is great but I still miss everybody else. After school I came straight home, Maw had some Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and Jumbo Meatballs fixed, I dunno what it is about the sauce with the Jumbo Meatballs; but it’s different from the regular meatballs. Makes me sick so I tried eating a little bit because I didn’t wanna make Maw feel bad, but I couldn’t stomach it so I poured myself a bowl of cocoa pebbles. Finished half the bowl before I realized that I needed to go in order to pick up Teresa in time, I hate to be late, and I still was. Apologized for being late, again, she was sweet enough to give Jedi Academy for PC. I was shocked, I’d been lookin’ for that damn game and Jedi Outcast for months now. Granted it’s not the Xbox version but who gives a shit, it’s still Jedi Academy and it’ll help with my fanfic. You’ve done me a big favor Resa, thanks. We jumped in the truck and headed out, I’d been listenin’ to 95 KSJ on the way over ‘cause there wasn’t nothing’ good on my three rock stations. “Bless the Broken Road “ by Rascal Flatts was playin’, she knew the song. So much taste in music we share, it’s truly amazing. After that went off I turned the dial back to TK 101 just in time for “Sex Type Thing” by Stone Temple Pilots and “Remember” by Disturbed immediately following. Took a shortcut by Denton Middle School and Davison High School, Teresa was all “You’re gonna get lost” got there just fine and dandy with no turnin’ back. Hey Teresa, BOOYAH!!! Once we got to Remington we sat down outside because it was such a pretty day that the sight of the clouds in the sky were just too good to miss y’know. I got to meet two of her friends, Chris and Gray, both very cool guys. Teresa whipped out her laptop and we listened to “Where Did You Sleep Last Night” by Nirvana, “Hey Jude” by The Beatles, “Driven Under” by Seether, and AC/DC “Thunderstruck” the last three of which were personal choices because she was on the phone. I could so be a radio DJ, all I’d have to do is be my own smart ass self like Skeet on TK and I’d be set. So I rocked out to about half of Thunderstuck, then I looked at my watch and saw I had to go, so I gave her a hug then bid farewell to Gray and Chris. Coach wasn’t there for night school, we had a sub named Mrs. Young who walked it and pretty much laid shit down. I mean she was rough, but she was really nice to me, just goes to show that she’s the type of person who don’t take no shit but as long as you don’t give her any shit to start with you got no problems. Coach is pretty much the same way, you say somethin’ wrong to him and he’s gonna burn you, your mama, and your daddy up; I mean he will literally cut your ass a back flip tellin’ jokes all centered around you. Anyway it was good because now I can give Anthony my shit tomorrow and just have him work the rest of that shit for me when he gets time over the weekend, I gotta get atleast a C in that class, I know I’m gonna bomb that exam and I can’t risk failing, I’ve come too far to fall now. We did our test and then watched the Wedding Crashers, the movie started off really dry but then it got funnier once they got to the two sisters, didn’t get to finish it but it wasn’t gettin’ damn funny. Mr. Tome ordered us some pizza, at first I thought I didn’t have any money ‘cause my wallet was empty I went up to the damn office where he was sellin’ individual slices for a buck per slice and I’ll be damned if I didn’t open my shit and find 3 dollars. Like it just magically appeared, ain’t that some shit? Hawk wasn’t tryin’ to get me to give him one of my three pieces, I told him nah I was good. The black folks up there are always either tryin’ to separate me from my money or my food man and it’s always “Oh I’ll pay you back tomorrow” shittttttttttt. White dudes are the same way though, can’t really say that they ain’t guilty of bummin’ themselves, just nobody white ever tries to bum off me. Soon as it let out I went to Remington, Teresa was on break sittin’ outside with some friends, one of which happened to be Mac from Miso. She said I was early, told her that was when I got out and she was kinda surprised I waited 40 minutes for her every night, but eh it don’t bother me. She decided to get out about 20 minutes early because the teacher in there was a dick, so she left me outside to talk with a friends of hers named Daniel. He’s 28, very cool guy, we talked about music, concerts, and Star Wars the whole time we were sittin’ there. It was really funny because Teresa goes “You guys both like the same thing” just before she went inside, I caught her hint and said “You into Star Wars?” the ship took off from there. Took her on home, as I was goin’ down Azalea toward Halls Mill Zack called, we talked about tomorrow. After I get done doin’ what I gotta do he wants me to come to his place at 5, dunno if I can make that or not but I’m gonna try my damndest. A lot of runnin’ I gotta do tomorrow, maybe more Saturday. Give yourself to the Dark Side

Run of the mill [15 Feb 2006|11:13pm] [ mood | blah ] Sunday: Woke up about 11, Maw was getting my basket to wash my clothes. Rolled over and asked her what she needed, she said she was just gonna wash my clothes. "Did you have a good time?" she asked, I smiled and said "Oh yeah, I had a great time" memories danced their ways through my mind. "Well good, she's a real sweet girl" "She's beautiful..." "Well yeah and she has a good way about her, that just makes her prettier" "Hundred times prettier..." "You can be average lookin', have a good personality and it'll get ya a long way but she's a pretty one now. If I'd of thought about it I'd of gave her my mink coat or red jacket to wear, I know she had to be cold" "I gave her mine" "Well thats good, she's fair skinned anyway. Her boyfriend know about that?" "Nah" "Then I guess she's the type who don't give a damn what he thinks, that's another good thing about her" and as she was walking out the door I said "And that's what makes it so much harder.." she stopped for a second to take in what I'd said, gave a comforting "I know..." and walked out. Sometimes I think women have this sixth sense that tell them exactly what guys are thinking, both Maw and my friend Ashley Arnold seem to use it on me frequently. Took me a shower, went in the kitchen to get somethin' to eat, Maw brought up the subject again, said "She's got a really good way about her, sticks to her commitments. That's hard to find in a boy much less a girl" I nodded, once again I said "And all the good stuff is what's makin' it so hard for me to let her go" to sooth the ice she says to me "Well you may not have to, maybe she'll change her mind" leave it to Maw to fill my head with hopes and dreams that have one in a million chance of happening. But atleat she cares enough to try and raise my spirits. Took the Hyundai up to CVS to pick up my medicine and some drinks because I didn't feel like spending ten minutes manuevering the S-10 outta my parking spot, that shit gets irritating. Got Maw's Diet Dr. Pepper and Nikki's Mountain Dew, but they had no rootbeer. Any other time they don't have Diet Dr. Pepper but on the day they have Diet Dr. Pepper there is no rootbeer to be found, bastards. So I had to shoot over to Food World and use some of my remaining 7 dollars to get some drinks, I could of used most of it because they had this 4 for 5 dollar deal goin' but I needed some money for this week. Never know when I might need a little bit. Once I got home I took the Shop Vac outside, pulled the mats outta the Hyundai and did the floorboard, then turned around and did the mats. Had I any soap left for my Auto Dry I'd of washed it too. Next I pulled the Honda behind the Hyundai and took the mats outta it, they were rubber so I'd need to wash them to get 'em good and clean. Maw hadn't driven that thing since around Christmas so it was pretty damn nasty in there, I went inside and told her "In the ten years you've owned that car I have NEVER seen it that dirty" and she goes "I ain't driven it since before Christmas y'know" "I know you said it was bad, but damn" she chuckled. Silence kind of hung in the air for a few minutes as I sipped at my root beer and she did her everyday kitchen work, until finally she broke the silence "Your friend have a computer?" she asked "Yeah" I responded "Ya'll talk alot on there?" "When I can find something worth saying, I really talk to her better in person" she smiled "That means she's easy to talk to, that's good too" "Yeah, somethin' else I like alot about her" I finished my Barq's quickly and put my mug away to save myself from talking about her anymore. While it did help to reflect, it also makes things somewhat harder. I'm startin' to think Maw's about as fond of her as I am. I kept myself busy and my thoughts focused on something else by cleaning out the Honda, which took considerably longer than the Hyundai, and it still looks pretty rough. That car's got cigarette burns, gum, and all kinds of other shit in/on the carpet and Maw doesn't even smoke. It's from passengers and other people drivin' her car, disrespectful shit. Aw well, she's got the Hyundai now but still she said yesterday she needed to have it cleaned, why waste the money when I could do it? Not like I have anything better to do with my time y'know. Watched First Blood twice on AMC, the second was the Extended DVD TV version with the little info pop-ups, found out Sylvester Stallone was only 164 pounds when he starred in First Blood, hard to believe considering how ripped he was. What was funny to me was my goal has been to reach 160-180 pounds, I wanna still be able to tell where my shoulders end and my neck begins y'know. Also the tarp that Stallone kept the brown tarp that Rambo cut up and used as a poncho in First Blood as a souvenir, it also said that he currently still has it in his closet next to a tuxedo. His knife was based on an aviator's. There were 100 replicas of the knife made by the knifesmith who created the original used in the film, all of which were numbered. There were alot more facts, but those were the most appealing and interesting to me. Monday: I remember very little about Monday, I know that I went to shool with a lump in my throat and it was soee as hell. Then at lunch Anthony was fucked up on muscle relaxers, me and Billy gave him an ass chewin' for comin' to school like that. Finally finished a special poem I been workin' on Tuesday: Great and yet horrible all at the sametime. Started off well, despite the fact I ran a fever most of the school day, but anyway first block was good and second block was better because I got to catch up on some sleep. I slept most of third block because I still felt really icky, I wanted to go home but I was tired of make up work and getting counted absence so I stuck it out. Fourth block I did my assignments and completed some make up, so that was a little less put on me at home. Night school fucking blew dude, Coach started out burnin' up (making fun of, raggin' on) people just for fun, for some reason Ross found it funny to say stuff about me even though I hadn't said a word. It shouldn't of phased me, I'm old enough to where stuff like that shouldn't matter the least bit, but it got to me and it pissed me off. My only logical explanation for as getting as steamed as I did was the fact that I was made fun of from Elementary on until I got in High School at B.C. Rain (though by that time it had slacked off alot because people began to realize what a crazy sob I was). I wanted to hurt him bad, but I knew if I fought him I'd get kicked outta night school and wouldn't graduate for another year, I didn't wanna throw all that hard work and the 230 bucks away just for him. I really need to go to anger management, I shouldn't let things like that get to me. Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. The fear part is long gone folks, I left that behind in the 6th grade, I don't fear any man on this Earth. I have fears but they are not of men. Talked to Zack after I got outta night school, turns out both a friend of his family and his cousin died, he was kinda choked up about it. Heard about his cousin the next day from Anthony but Zack had already told me the night before, really been a tough year for him. He's lost his little brother, his best friend, another friend from football, now a friend of his family's and his cousin. He's wanting me to join this elite group of his friends called the Redneck Mafia, get a tattoo and all of that. It's basically a pact that no matter what happens, we always got eachother's backs. I told him nothing bad could go wrong between me and him, and he said "Nah we get along too good" you really think Zack's a criminal at first glance, reminds me of John Bender from the Breakfast Club actually. But he's actually a good guy, honorable. Wednesday/Today: Finally we get to current issues...well this mornin' I was workin' on doing a journal entry before I left, I actually dozed off at my desk sitting upright. Got to school a couple minutes before the bell rang still. They made an announcement in first block that they're disconnecting the AC for a new system. Second block Mrs. Rigsby was MIA so we got split up, the class my side went to was Mrs. Williamson's, but Mrs. Chambes the Retract teacher was in there for some reason. I sat over by Lance Hayes from my fourth block and Jordan Martin, I knew her from being my friend Brandon's old fiancé. She was kinda freaked out because she didn't know who I was, I reminded her I was one of his friends and such. So I spent most of the block talkin' to her and Lance. Lunch was alright, me and Billy found out Anthony loves that girl whose been comin' around him. He even asked us "What's it mean when you wanna be with a girl but you don't wanna have sex with 'em" me and Billy couldn't help but smile like proud brothers, because we finally knew that somewhere deep down inside our Ward was growin' up finally. He'd really do alot better if he moved outta his parents' house, god those I've never met those people but damn they're crazy. Makes their son pay RENT to live there when he could be puttin' that money toward movin' out, dumbasses. Then of course maybe they're dirt poor and need it, there's always that side of the coin. Third block we ate chicken as a lab, that was pretty damn cool. Rest of the time I read a Car Craft magazine from Billy and slept, it's good when I get time to sleep in class because I'm not always so tired y'know. I hate to drag around. Fourth block we did some work, I gave Holly a note explaining my situation because she was concerned about me from a poem I'd written about the Sweetheart Dance. Luckily, Holly's a very trustworthy person so anything I told her would go with her to the grave. I hate for anyone to worry over me. I read the poem outloud to the class, they seemed to like it, since it's mostly girls anyway. The guys even complemented me on it so that was good too. After school I went to get gas and then to AutoZone to pick up some parts and such. Night school went alright, Cobb didn't say anything else to me so I'm not worried about it. 1 | Give yourself to the Dark Side

The Sweetheart I could not have [12 Feb 2006|03:18am] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ track #1 | Jet "Cold Hard Bitch" [ track #2 | Staind "Outside" [ track #3 | Seether "Remedy" [ track #4 | Korn "?" [ track #5 | HIM "Rip Out the Wings of a Butterfly" Like the song goes...I've had the time of my life, no I've never felt this way before, and I swear it's all true, and I owe it all to her. I started off this morning going out to the mall, went in JC Penney's to get myself a new shirt and tie to go with my suit, after that I drove over to Sears because I didn't feel like lugging around a big ol' Shop Vac I planned on purchasing. Loaded that up, shot over to Wal-Mart on the Beltline. Got me some of that Mr. Clean Auto Dry stuff and Invisible Glass for my windows. Soon as I got home I changed into a plain white tee and got to work, first I washed the truck then I detailed the tires (I ran outta wheel cleaner), then I vacuumed it and used the Invisible Glass stuff on the windows. Maw said ol' Copperhead shined like a new dollar (dollar coin mind you), much effort as I put into it everytime I wash her, she ain't shined like this since I bought her. Damn paint's like a mirror now, you can see yourself in it, and I mean in detail. A girl could fix her hair and put on make-up using the paint on my truck, seriously. I spent a good 4 hours just cleaning the truck, I didn't bother to take a shower 'cause I'd gotten one this morning, plus the cold wind had brought out my skin tone without the usual rosey cheek thing I usually got goin' on so a hot shower would've turned me into rudolph the red cheeked redneck again and I really didn't want that. Started getting ready around 5, by 5:15 I was ready to head out. Old man did my tie for me, I handled everything else. Asked Hunter if I looked spiffy, he said "Nah you look good" I couldn't help but laugh. The words are synonyms, but he can't help it if he dunno them big words yet, boy ain't even looked in a dictionary so I can't really blame him there. Let Maw take two pictures with my camera, then I got in Copperhead and went to my date's house. On the way over I heard "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones, how very approriate, tragic irony of music continued to play a role in the music throughout the night. When I arrived and got out of the truck, I'd realized I'd forgotten the corscoge. 3 years, 3 dances, and now I forget the corscoge. I felt like such a dumbass, but I walked inside, shook hands with her family, greeted them and all. Then we got in the truck and came to my place so I could get the corscoge, had to let Maw meet her 'cause she's always sayin' how she never got to meet any of my dance dates. Well now ya did Maw, this was by far the most important so you didn't miss much before. After I slid the corscoge on her hand, took a few minutes to let Maw meet her and such we took off for the dance. We must've talked all the way there, I liked it. Usually the rides are so quiet and everything kinda hangs in the air, it was really refreshing to have ongoing conversation for once y'know. Towards the end of Hamilton Blvd as we were coming over the train tracks, "Black Dog" by Led Zeppelin came on and we started rockin' out. She was singin', I was singin', we were havin' a shitload of fun just singin' our hearts out. Made it to school, I of course parked in space 177, my spot, nobody else's, also on a lane which is always vacant at dances 'cause everybody parks closer to the gym. Fine with me, means my mind will be at ease and I know Copperhead will be safe while I'm away. Walked inside, I paid our entrance fee, and for the first 20 minutes or so it seemed like we spent all our time waiting. We got our pictures taken before everybody got there and a crowd developed, also requested that the DJ play both "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton as well as some Nirvana. When the DJ played "Smells Like Teen Spirit" me and her danced to it, when it picked up we started head bangin', then we'd go back to slow dancin', then we'd start head banging anyone. We were the only ones dancin' and we probably looked crazy but we really didn't give a fuck, we came there to have a good time and we were gettin' our money's worth buddy. Nobody from my crew really came, Heather Scott and John Holloway showed up, turns out Heather and my date knew eachother and had gone out at one point. The rest of the night the four of us pretty much stuck together, hell I was glad one of my buddies showed up. Billy and Stonehenge didn't come, and of course Anthony wasn't there. Wasn't too long before we started dancin' again and damn did we dance...I can't remember many moments we wasn't dancin'. Dirty dancin' and/or slow dancin', did plenty of both. The highlight of the night was most definitely when "Wonderful Tonight" played, because something wonderful did happen. Something that was...in a way both wrong and forbidden between us, but wonderful and beautiful all at the same time. We had to break apart, take a break for a few minutes after that, our emotions I think were getting the best of us both. Or maybe it was just me whose emotions were getting the best of him, but I knew I could not act upon them. It was because of that, during every slow dance I held her tightly to me because I knew this would be our first and probably our last dance together ever. Spyke and Megan showed up, that was definitely a welcomed coming. I had just got done requesting "Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leppard, so I was more than happy to other white folks gettin' nasty to that song. One of the few metal songs that you can actually dirty dance to, hehe. Spyke told me I liked the song a little too much, but Megan backed me up sayin' the song fuckin' ruled and it does. Thanks Meg Sometime after Def Leppard, Tim McGraw came on with "Don't Take The Girl" and needless to say she knew that song too. She likes rock and country, don't care for rap much but she can still dance to it when she needs to. Sounds like somebody ya know don't it? So after grindin', movin', groovin', and all that good stuff we finally left. She said she was tired and the dance was winding down anyway, may as well beat the traffic and get to the Olive Garden before it closed (I'd asked her earlier in the night where she'd like to eat, she gave me the whole "It doesn't matter to me" thing, so I asked her what kinds of food she liked, she asked me and she liked everything I did. But there's no classy Mexican or Chinese joints here, but one of two Italian places, I opted for Olive Garden). Startin' off down Highway 90, we heard "Rock N Roll" by Led Zeppelin, then when we turned onto Azalea headin' over to Airport (by which point she'd laid her head down in my lap because she was tired) we heard "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" by AC/DC and we had just got done talkin' about them like a few minutes before. Got to Olive Garden, walked inside and got seated, ordered up what we wanted and spent the whole time talking. Never a dull moment with her, I feel so open around her, like I could tell her anything and I hope she has the same kind of open book attitude towards me as I have toward her. She brought up some stuff about her ex-boyfriend, by the end of the story I wanted to see the sum bitch bleed but unfortunately I dunno where the bastard lives. Anybody who treats a woman like that deserves to die, yes, DIE. Once our meal was finished we headed back toward her house, while cruisin' down Azalea, "Everlong" by Foo Fighters played. Yeah, fate just kept laughin' in my face tonight. This song just reminded me even more of what I felt "If everything could ever feel this good forever, if everything could ever be this good again" but I knew it wouldn't, and as great as I felt there was that small tinge of me not wanting the night to end, not wanting to leave her. To sweep her up off her feet and take her away with me into the night forever...but this is life, not a fairytale, so rational thinking takes the cake here. Dropped her off, headed back toward the house. "Highway To Hell" was playing, yet another irony, telling me through music that everything was downhill from that point on. I didn't care if it did go downhill, I still felt for her, I thought I was over it but I'm not. I should've known I wouldn't come back that quickly, but the real question is, do I wanna come back from this? Do I wanna forget about someone whose like me in so many ways? Who sees things the way I see them? Who thinks like me? Whose sense of humor is like mine? Whose skin is softer than silk? Who would give someone the shirt off their back if it helped them? Who took care of her sister and two brothers when she was younger? Who holds me in a way I love to be held? Do I really wanna let someone like that completely drift away out of sight and mind? No...I don't. So I may have to wait, I'll do it. So I may have to be lonely for a little while longer, so be it. The Dio song "Last In Line" maybe true, but I don't care. I won't let her go without a fight, I'm not going to wish any illwill on her current bf or their relationship, but I can't erase or even pretend to erase all the things I feel. I once thought so, but really and truly I am not built that way. The rest of the way to DIP I heard "Sweet Child O' Mine" by GNR, had to stop off at Waffle House for a bathroom break. A cup of punch, two glasses of Sprite get to ya after a bit. Clear sailin' all the way from there, got home, parked in the dirt so the old man could get out (if he even goes to work tomorrow...he's been skipping for like two days). While I was tryin' to unlock the deadbolt, Nikki let me in, said I looked good. Told me Maw wanted me to wake her up, so I threw my jacket on my futon then went on in there to tell Maw I was home. She asked if I had a good time, I told her "The time of my life" she could tell in my voice somethin' was up, when can't she? damn mind readin' women, all of ya. I just told her to go to sleep and that I loved her, kissed her head and came back into my room to take off my shirt and chill. Here I sit now, pondering life 4 | Give yourself to the Dark Side

Yohoho, now where's me bottle of rum? [10 Feb 2006|11:17pm] [ mood | tired ] Maw got me up this mornin' at 8 AM to get ready for my trip to the doc's office. I was ready by like 8:20 and out the door by 9:45. Got there, turned out I had an appointment even though I didn't know I did. Guess Maw forgot to mention it to me, oh well. Got a shot, the doc prescribed me some pills and cough medicine. The pills were Alegra and Amoxicillin, the cough medicine was Pollytussin. Pickin' 'em up from CVS tomorrow, dropped 'em off on my way home. I didn't get here good when Zack called me, wanted me to come out to St. Elmo and chill with him for the day. Heard my first Kittie song on my way out there, it was called Brackish. I've been wanting to listen to them for sometime, finally got the chance, and it was good. Wanting to check out more of their stuff, thinkin' about buyin' their album "Spit" when I get some money since it has Brackish on it. Made it there, pretty much spent the rest of the day drivin' him places, but unlike many of my past passengers he put gas in my truck before we went anywhere. Not quite used to that, but if he hadn't I woulda went straight home, didn't have any gas and I'd forgotten my wallet. I didn't make him do it though. First stop was Alma Bryant High School to show them him and Kelly Miller's marriage license (they got a court approved marriage, the church wedding isn't 'til later this month), so now her name has been changed to Kelly Preston. Yeah, I thought it was kinda funny too. After visiting her inbetween classes me and him left for Grand Bay Middle School. He wanted to see an old teacher of his named miss Kathy. She'd left early, so we went to her house. He used to live next door to her so that's how he knew where she lived. Very nice lady, she left school early to take care of her granddaughter Kate, a baby no more than 6 months old. Her husband had a 2004 Ford Lightning, even a bowtie boy like me has to give credit where credit is due y'know. After sitting over at Miss Kathy's house and talkin' to her for a bit, we left for the Bryant Center to see about that 2.9L Ford motor that Zack had bought off Ian last semester. We pulled around to the back of the shop, we scoped out this fine ass 1993 Chevy C1500 Indy 500 Pace Truck with American Racing wheels, it was fine as all hell. I pulled around to the front of the shop while Zack went in to see about the engine. The substitute got pissed and took him to the office, some lady who'd witnessed Ian selling Zack the motor claimed she didn't know anything about it so now he's gotta wait 'til cokespoon's around so he can get the motor. He wants to drop it in Kelly's brother's car, even though that's a ancient Toyota Tercel, motor's a motor though. After we left Bryant Center we went and picked up his friend JJ (Rodeo) from Grand Bay, went back into St. Elmo to the house where Kelly babysits. The Mother I guess has her own business and does alot of work on the comp because she was on it almost the whole time we were there, the Dad's knees are fucked up because he was kicked back in a recliner, his knees were bandaged and had ice packs on 'em, probably a work injury. Took Zack on one last errand to get his check from this guy Lee, we never saw Lee but he talked to some guy about getting a car because his F-150 is in the shop and his S-10 is royally fucked and needs a front-end alignment and he don't got the money for that. He bought a Honda Civic off the guy and planned to make payments on it. I'm thinkin' he'll get up the money, pay it off, give it to Kelly after he gets his F-150 outta the shop. Dropped him off at the babysittin' house, took Rodeo by the place his band was gonna play and I came on home. Walked in the door abotu 6 or so, I'd been up for about 10 hours and hadn't had a bite to eat so when I saw we had pizza I got to munchin'. 6 pieces gone in a timespan of 5-10 minutes, yeah I was pretty damn hungry. I counted up my savings, had 167 dollars so I decided on buying a shop vac since I'd still have enough for my Escaflowne boxset. Unfortunately the Honda was blockin' me and so was the old man's Aerostar, me and Maw didn't feel like movin' the fleet around and he had to go to work in the morning anyway so we said fuck it. She wants to go get me another dress shirt to go with my suit 'cause that one I have right now is tighter than all hell on my adam's apple and my arms have gotten longer than the sleeves. 'Nuff said. Printed Billy out a picture of the 1982 Indy 500 Camaro Pace Car, it's white with blue racing stripes and includes stencil on the lower part of the body to match the racing stripes. Gonna show it to him, see if he likes it, the complete kit costs $875 so it ain't cheap; but it still looks nice. Definitely give him somethin' different on the road And Rob Zombie's new song Foxy Foxy fucking sucks...I never thought in a lifetime I'd ever say that about any of Rob's songs but it's just so...bleh, not like his previous work from Hellbilly Deluxe or The Sinister Urge, much better stuff on those two albums. I just hope this piece of work isn't what I'm to expect from Educated Horses. Just got done workin' out, now I'm motherfuckin' pizumped (Snoop for "pumped"). I need to log onto to TK101.com this week on the computers in Mrs. Patrick's class (bring headphones) or night school and listen to the acoustic performances from Shinedown and Staind. Connection on my comp is too slow. Give yourself to the Dark Side

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